IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at early stage. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #stage #punishment #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Parenting of young ones plays a crucial role in society.
Teaching
Add an article
The teaching
show examples
 of norm
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 to children influences
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their future. Punishment is often used to learn what is right and what is wrong. I partly agree with the statement because there are other methods to educate an intelligent person. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 improvement and
refuation
Correct your spelling
refutation
 of using a penalty. On the one hand, punishment is necessary to help them learn the difference. The children
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 know
this
Linking Words
 rule
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become adapted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life's difficulties.
For instance
Linking Words
, Russian is used to strict rules at school and in
socium
Correct your spelling
society
, thereby
educated
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
 the punctual people nowadays.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the excessive penalty can lead to
baby's
Correct article usage
a baby's
show examples
 sphere.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, children with low self-esteem
are grown
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people who
educated
Add a missing verb
are educated
show examples
 strictly cannot express their
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
accept
Correct word choice
and accept
show examples
 injustice. There are other ways of parenting
besides
Linking Words
 punishments
such
Linking Words
 as motivation, encouragement, the good deeds being an example for them.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relaxing methods for teaching
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
show examples
. They teach them
motivating
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to keep order and
polite
Correct article usage
a polite
show examples
 attitude. Babies copy the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of their parents and teachers. So first of all, all teachers should change their bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 to a good one.
Submitted by nook.cooks.hook.uz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the topic but could delve deeper into both sides of the argument. Including more nuanced points would strengthen the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and logical progression. Giving more context to your examples would improve coherence.
general
Improve on sentence structure and grammar. This will make your ideas clearer and your writing more professional.
task response
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to present both sides of the argument, which shows balance.
task response
Use of examples to justify points is noted, which strengthens the arguments presented.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: