IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Traffic on roads has become a problem in nearly every country in the world. What can be done to reduce the amount of traffic at a society level and at an individual level?

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the need for military personnel.
People
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 are beginning to realize that, at present, there is a large number of unemployed and unskilled youth. And military
service
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 can fix them
instead
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. Personally, I tend to think that
this
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 is actually true.
Firstly
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, it is well known that there is a large number of lazy and unskilled youth who don’t want to do anything.
This
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 is very problematic. I tend to think that compulsory military
service
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 can help young
people
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 gain important skills. Many young
people
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 struggle to find work because they don’t have the necessary experience or qualifications. By serving in the military, they can learn valuable skills
such
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 as discipline, teamwork, and leadership, which can improve their chances of finding a job later.
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Moreover
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Moreover,
show examples
 military
service
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 can give them more responsibility and prepare them for their future life.
Linking Words
Secondly
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Secondly,
show examples
 military
service
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 is necessary to ensure that a country has enough
people
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 to protect its borders and maintain security. Many countries face challenges when trying to recruit enough soldiers, and compulsory
service
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 can help solve
this
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 problem by providing a steady supply of trained personnel.
This
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 is especially important in times of national emergencies or wars. In conclusion, compulsory military
service
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 can offer benefits to both individuals and society. It provides young
people
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 with skills and helps them with security.
However
Linking Words
, alternatives should be available for those who are unable to serve.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, especially regarding the skills gained through military service.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transition phrases between points and within paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on the alternatives for individuals who are unable to serve, as this could strengthen your conclusion and provide a more balanced perspective.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, stating that compulsory military service can be beneficial.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of linking devices in the introduction and conclusion, which helps with the overall structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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