It is the responsibility of school to teach children good behavior aside formal education. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

#responsibility #school #children #behavior #education

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It is widely debated whether

schools

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should be obligated to teach

students

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good

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

in addition

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to formal education.

This

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essay agrees with

this

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statement because as one of the

majority

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major

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influences for

children

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school helps develop their behavior and improve their interpersonal skills.

Firstly

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schools

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can potentially train

students

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to become better individuals in society.

This

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is explained by the fact that educational facilities often encourage positive

behaviors

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behaviours

show examples

such

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as honesty, respect, kindness and responsibility.

Hence

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, by teaching these values to

students

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through lessons,

schools

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can help

students

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foster empathy and understanding of each other.

For example

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Remove the article

apply

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recent research concludes that if the social subject teaches

children

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about moral responsibility and social communication,

then

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students

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can develop their

behavior

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behaviour

show examples

by themselves in real life.

Secondly

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, as a part of society,

students

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can improve their personal abilities in school.

Moreover

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, by attending school

children

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can learn how to handle conflict, resolve differences and communicate effectively. These skills allow

students

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to have self-confidence in their personal and professional lives in the future.

For instance

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, a recent study found that the personal skills of

children

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in childhood directly influence their career in their later life. In conclusion,

schools

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are responsible for providing

children

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with good

behavior

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behaviour

show examples

during formal education because it helps

children

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progress their

behaviors

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behaviours

show examples

and develop their social abilities.

Submitted by janmuldayevaa1 on Tue May 28 2024

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task achievement

Your introduction is clear and concise, setting the stage for the arguments that follow. However, you could further enhance the clarity of your position by briefly outlining the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs.

task achievement

Both body paragraphs present strong arguments. To further improve, you might want to add a counterargument. This could show a comprehensive understanding of the topic and add depth to your essay.

task achievement

Consider integrating more varied examples or evidence to better support your points. This would provide a stronger foundation for your arguments and improve the persuasive quality of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-structured with a logical flow of ideas. However, you could include more transition phrases to enhance connectivity between sentences and paragraphs. This would make your essay smoother and easier to follow.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This means linking the conclusion of one paragraph to the introduction of the next with connecting words or phrases to enhance readability.

task achievement

You have a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly presenting and summarizing your main points.

coherence cohesion

The arguments are logically structured, and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, making the essay easy to follow.

task achievement

Your use of specific examples to back up your points demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides credibility to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

220 words

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It is the responsibility of school to teach children good behavior aside formal education. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

Your opinion

Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

Modern technology,such as personal computers and the internet, have made it possible for many people to do their work from home atleast part of the time instead of going to an office everyday. What are some advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

In some countries, birth rates are falling and experts say that by 2050 these countries will have far more adults aged 65 and over than children under 15. What problem might this cause in the future? Can anything be done to solve this issue?