It is the responsibility of school to teach children good behavior aside formal education. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

It is widely debated whether
schools
should be obligated to teach
students
good
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
in addition
to formal education.
This
essay agrees with
this
statement because as one of the
majority
Correct your spelling
major
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influences for
children
school helps develop their behavior and improve their interpersonal skills.
Firstly
,
schools
can potentially train
students
to become better individuals in society.
This
is explained by the fact that educational facilities often encourage positive
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
such
as honesty, respect, kindness and responsibility.
Hence
, by teaching these values to
students
through lessons,
schools
can help
students
foster empathy and understanding of each other.
For example
,
a
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apply
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recent research concludes that if the social subject teaches
children
about moral responsibility and social communication,
then
students
can develop their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
by themselves in real life.
Secondly
, as a part of society,
students
can improve their personal abilities in school.
Moreover
, by attending school
children
can learn how to handle conflict, resolve differences and communicate effectively. These skills allow
students
to have self-confidence in their personal and professional lives in the future.
For instance
, a recent study found that the personal skills of
children
in childhood directly influence their career in their later life. In conclusion,
schools
are responsible for providing
children
with good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
during formal education because it helps
children
progress their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
and develop their social abilities.
Submitted by janmuldayevaa1 on

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and concise, setting the stage for the arguments that follow. However, you could further enhance the clarity of your position by briefly outlining the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Both body paragraphs present strong arguments. To further improve, you might want to add a counterargument. This could show a comprehensive understanding of the topic and add depth to your essay.
task achievement
Consider integrating more varied examples or evidence to better support your points. This would provide a stronger foundation for your arguments and improve the persuasive quality of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a logical flow of ideas. However, you could include more transition phrases to enhance connectivity between sentences and paragraphs. This would make your essay smoother and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This means linking the conclusion of one paragraph to the introduction of the next with connecting words or phrases to enhance readability.
task achievement
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly presenting and summarizing your main points.
coherence cohesion
The arguments are logically structured, and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, making the essay easy to follow.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples to back up your points demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides credibility to your arguments.

Your opinion

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