In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantages?
There has been a rising number of
children
experiencing homeschooling instead
of attending traditional schools. In my opinion, I strongly advocate that the benefits do not outweigh the drawbacks.
Nowadays, parents
prefer to teach their children
at home in order to spend more quality time
with their offsprings
, Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
while
allowing the children
to study at their own paces
. To illustrate, many researches have shown that young people having Fix the agreement mistake
pace
time
working together with
their parents
from very
young age would develop stronger and more stable mental health. Add an article
a very
Moreover
, by studying at home, parents
can understand the intellectual capacity of their children
, hence
setting the correct pace for them to achieve the
optimal results.
Correct article usage
apply
Nevertheless
, homeschoolers lack the experience of studying with friends, which could help them build the soft skills that are required for their future career endeavours. For instance
, students at schools will usually be involved in team projects, which enable them to learn how to work with one another. In addition
, the school projects also
help the students acquire time
management skills, gaining
multitasking ability Wrong verb form
gain
as well as
dealing
with deadlines and pressure. Wrong verb form
deal
Moreover
, the homeschool
Replace the word
homeschooled
children
could not benefit from the infrastructure of ordinary schools, including libraries, laboratories or sporting facilities . In fact, it is the hands-on experience achieving
through doing lab projects, or the practices on the running tracks that helps to build young people into all-rounded individuals ready for the workforce.
In conclusion, it is my strongly held belief that homeschooling, Wrong verb form
achieved
although
having the benefits of allowing bonding time
for parents
and children
, is not an advantageous choice for children
to develop and be ready for the
future jobs.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of the essay. Some transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
task achievement
While the essay provides a complete response to the prompt, try to deepen the analysis of both advantages and disadvantages for a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph centers on a single main idea and that all points directly support this idea. This will improve clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which help in framing the discussion well.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples strengthens the arguments made, making the essay more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay adequately covers both the benefits and drawbacks of homeschooling, providing a holistic view.