Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There are some people claiming
how
female is equally appropriate in the armed forces of a nation, Correct word choice
that
while
the opposite perspective points out this
job cannot be well-handled by women
. To
the writer’s viewpoint, it is some aspects of the occupation Change preposition
From
that
is
where Correct subject-verb agreement
are
women
are to perform better than their counterpart
.
Undoubtedly, the belief Fix the agreement mistake
counterparts
of
fair capability regardless of their Change preposition
in
genders
in the security forces comes from female’s natural considerable resilience. Fix the agreement mistake
gender
That is
to say, it has been scientifically proven how faster and more effective the immune system of a woman regularly is compared to a man. Moreover
, the less time taken to recover from unexpected injuries during either training or actual battles, in
both of which Change preposition
apply
requires
a great number of straightforward learners, the more successful one is. Correct subject-verb agreement
require
Therefore
, being a woman can be of
an advantage in police and military units.
In contradistinction to the recently mentioned opinion is the disapproval of Change preposition
apply
women
being proper for law enforcement agencies purely due to
their insufficiency of physical fitness. To simply
put, the sex hormones of Change preposition
Simply
two
genders are completely different when it comes to assisting in building the Correct article usage
the two
overall
strength of a body, as
testosterone Correct word choice
apply
of
men encourages Change preposition
in
the
protein synthesis, which is an important compound for Correct article usage
apply
muscles
development, Fix the agreement mistake
muscle
while
estrogen of
Change preposition
in
women
does incredibly nothing to the process. Consequently
, in a field principally looking for standard physical strength, women
, perhaps, find adapting to the harsh environment immense
difficult.
It is held by the writer that specific jobs in police sectors and armies are to be reached more efficiently by Change the word
immensely
female
, especially Fix the agreement mistake
females
which
Correct pronoun usage
those that
demands
intellectual skills. Correct subject-verb agreement
demand
In other words
, leading a troop or dealing with investigation
are likely to be a female job for their significant requirements of Add an article
the investigation
cerebration
, a factor wholly agreed Correct your spelling
celebration
how
Change preposition
on how
women
are better at than men. Hence
, a part of tasks in the national security ensuring department is advisable
shared with Change the adjective
advisably
female
who usually excels at.Add an article
a female
the female
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task achievement
Your essay gives a balanced view of both perspectives on whether women should have equal roles in police and military forces. However, you can strengthen your position by providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a logical structure overall. However, the transitions between some points could be smoother. Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to your main argument and flows well from one to another.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, make sure they are stronger. The conclusion can better sum up the arguments presented and reinforce your stance.
language
Be careful with word choice and grammar. Phrases like 'the writer’s viewpoint' can be more naturally replaced with 'in my opinion,' and avoid awkward phrasing like 'immense difficult.' Using more precise vocabulary can help in expressing your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
You have presented both views on the topic clearly in your essay, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
language
Your use of specific terms like 'resilience,' 'protein synthesis,' and 'cerebration' shows a strong vocabulary and understanding of the subject matter.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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