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Band 4.5

The internet dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades. Although some of these changes have been negative , the overall effect of this technology has been positive. what asr your opinions on this?

#internet #lives #decades #changes #effect #technology #asr
The
internet
 has significantly changed our lives recently. some of these changes are negative ,
while
 on the whole almost most of these changes are positive.
it is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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the
internet
 has negative points in society ,
such
 as addiction to the
internet
 which leads to health
problems
 , eye
problems
 and physical
problems
. because many
people
 sit still for hours and look at the phone.
furthermore
 , all of the things that there are
in
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media are not correct and in terms of mental , it can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cauuse
Correct your spelling
cause
caused
fear among
people
 especially children
as well as
 old
people
.
Although
 the
internet
 has positive and negative effects on our lives , the positive impacts are more than
Correct article usage
the nagative
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nagative
Correct your spelling
negative
 impacts.
furthure
Correct your spelling
further
future
, we can decide how to use from that ourselves.
Hence
 , we can control
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
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 a positive path. since the
internet
 creates
for
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apply
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improvement
due to
 better lives.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
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 governments should increase that
according to
 essential needs. on the ground that most advertisements depend on the
internet
 and it must not disrupt. in my opinion ,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and social media are important for communication and technology. it can develop our communication attitude obviously. as we can communicate with all of
people
Add an article
the people
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 in every point of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
. but I can not ignore the negative effects on daily routines because we spend most of
the
Change the word
our
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 time on the
internet
that it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 causes
problems
specially
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especially
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 for kids. To be honest , it is the parent's duty that control
this
 situation. in conclusion , like everything the
internet
 has positive and negative points. but it depends on us that use the
internet
 for our improvement to having a better society .
Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on

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clear comprehensive ideas
To improve clarity of your ideas, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main point or idea and develop it fully before moving on to the next.
complete response
Check the essay for grammatical errors and typos. Properly revising your work for mistakes can make a big difference in the reader's perception of your argument.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples to better support your points. For instance, mention particular studies, statistics, or real-life examples that illustrate the negative and positive effects of the internet.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your argument well.
supported main points
You correctly identify both negative and positive aspects of the internet, providing a balanced view on the topic.
logical structure
Your use of transitions like 'furthermore' and 'although' helps connect ideas within paragraphs, which is a good practice for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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