Some people think that elders should be cared at home with family members. Others think that they should be kept at nursing homes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In the contemporary world,
the
technology and healthcare have gained a marvel of progress and sophistication with plenty of advancements and Innovations, resultingCorrect article usage
apply
Change preposition
in a
a
elevated life expectancy Change the article
an
of
the aged. About the Change preposition
for
raised
elderly population, there is a contradiction Verb problem
apply
over
Change preposition
in
the
society as many individuals Correct article usage
apply
are claiming
that they should be allowed to be with Wrong verb form
claim
the
family till the end, Change the word
their
while
the
others Correct article usage
apply
content
Add a missing verb
are content
on
the notion that the ideal destination is a Change preposition
with
care
home. Both the above opinions along with
my stance in
relevant to the former view will be discussed in the following paragraphs Change preposition
apply
wth
the necessary justifications.
Seniority does not merely Correct your spelling
with
implies
a number of years, but a collection of a myriad of experiences, relations and Correct subject-verb agreement
imply
expertency
. Correct your spelling
experience
experiences
Therefore
, having such
a precious property in a home may be beneficial for the family members, in order to get the advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
as well as
significant assistance in their day today
activities. Correct your spelling
to day
For example
, recently , grandparents possess the majority of the responsibility regarding the upbringing of the grandchildren in
many social levels , Change preposition
on
due to
the hectic time schedule of the mid generation
.
Add a hyphen
mid-generation
On the other hand
, when the nursing care
homes are considered , they are very organized in many aspects, in order to ensure the safety and the well-being of the older generations. Particularly, a
continuous attention Remove the article
apply
on
the behavior of the Change preposition
to
age
Replace the word
aged
member
,Fix the agreement mistake
members
s
Verb problem
apply
identifing
the possible risks Correct your spelling
identifying
on
them, regular medical check-ups and treatment regimes to overcome those are the opportunities to enjoy the retirement era in Change preposition
apply
such
a place. Also
, the companyship
of fellow colleagues with a similar mentality is Correct your spelling
companionship
company ship
another
another advantage embedded with the Correct quantifier usage
apply
care
systems. For instance
, annual trips,religious programs and charity Works performed in those organizations may be important for them to enjoy their life in termination periods.
Meanwhile, as per
my point of view, it is conspicuous that the Change preposition
from
youngers
are Correct your spelling
younger
bounded
with a gigantic authority in the caring of the seniors without framing them in a Verb problem
bound
care
unit. Children should perform their responsibility regarding their parents and Correct article usage
apply
the
other relations allowing them to lead a passionate and successful termination period, even including the facilities Correct article usage
apply
Correct your spelling
received
recieved
from the age Correct your spelling
received
Care
Centers.
In conclusion, even though the Elder homes provide some essential services, the happiness and the ultimate satisfaction of the life that they experienced with the family in the last
part of the
lifespan will be undescribably Change the word
their
valueble
for those members.Correct your spelling
valuable
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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. This will help improve the logical structure.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your examples to make them more specific and relevant. This will make your points stronger and provide a better task response.
general
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, as they can affect the flow of your essay. Although small inaccuracies don't heavily impact your grade, smoothing out these issues will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively outline and summarize your main points, helping to frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument thoroughly, providing a balanced discussion before stating your own opinion in a coherent manner.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the issue and offers relevant points related to the benefits and drawbacks of both family care and nursing homes.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.