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Writing Samples
Band 7

The three pie charts illustrate how many hours spent in a library by undergraduate and postgraduates compared to the total student population at a university in Britain.

The three pie charts illustrate how many hours spent in a library by undergraduate and postgraduates compared to the total student population at a university in Britain.
The three given pie charts show the amount of time that
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 and
postgraduates
Use synonyms
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 in a library and the comparison between them and the total number of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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university's
Change noun form
university
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 students in Britain. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is evident that the majority of the
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 spent 1 to 7
hours
Use synonyms
 and the minority of them spent more than 15
hours
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 performed
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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. As can be seen in the total statistics, the percentage of pupils that spent 1 to 7
hours
Use synonyms
 was the highest, at 50%, the data for the group that spent 8 to 14
hours
Use synonyms
 was lower, at 35%.
However
Linking Words
, the group that paid more than 15
hours
Use synonyms
 accounted for the lowest number, at only 15%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportion of
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 that spent 1 to 7
hours
Use synonyms
 and 8 to 14
hours
Use synonyms
 were 63% and 28%, respectively, compared to 17% and 32% in that of
postgraduates
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, there was a significant gap in the amount of time that the
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 and
postgraduates
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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spent more than 15
hours
Use synonyms
 at the library, which was 9% and 51%, respectively.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words undergraduates, postgraduates, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • undergraduate
  • postgraduate
  • time brackets
  • library usage
  • total student population
  • correlation
  • patterns
  • comparison
  • study level
  • time spent
  • academic demands
  • research intensity
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