It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behoviour in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Schools
Use synonyms
should not only focus on formal learning but
also
Linking Words
actively positive character development in pupils.
This
Linking Words
essay agrees that
schools
Use synonyms
need to educate formal education to pupils with together good
behaviour
Use synonyms
and
also
Linking Words
parents focus on their
children
Use synonyms
's
behaviour
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
essay will discuss that only
knowledge
Use synonyms
is given to
students
Use synonyms
at
school
Use synonyms
and
secondly
Linking Words
the fact that the
school
Use synonyms
should teach the child
knowledge
Use synonyms
and
behaviour
Use synonyms
. A
school
Use synonyms
is a place of education. If only education is provided in
schools
Use synonyms
, if
behaviour
Use synonyms
is taught by parents to their
children
Use synonyms
, the level of
knowledge
Use synonyms
of
children
Use synonyms
will be much higher.
Then
Linking Words
all the attention of
teachers
Use synonyms
is focused on imparting
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
Change preposition
In European
show examples
European
Change preposition
In European
show examples
countries
Verb problem
apply
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
are an example:
teachers
Use synonyms
only teach
students
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
why the level of
knowledge
Use synonyms
of these
students
Use synonyms
is very high. Teaching
children
Use synonyms
knowledge
Use synonyms
and
behaviour
Use synonyms
together can lead to great success in
children
Use synonyms
. Not all parents can ensure good
behaviour
Use synonyms
, but
teachers
Use synonyms
have years of experience. To do
this
Linking Words
, they can teach
behaviour
Use synonyms
. A similar system is produced in Japan.
Students
Use synonyms
spend most of their time in
school
Use synonyms
learning and interacting with and learning from their
teachers
Use synonyms
most of the day. Behavior is taught
along with
Linking Words
discipline.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason, the world knows and respects the
behaviour
Use synonyms
of the Japanese people, even the
children
Use synonyms
of letters, and recognizes Japan as the possessor of high morals. The role of the
school
Use synonyms
is very big in
this
Linking Words
,
that is
Linking Words
the system which teaches the
teachers
Use synonyms
knowledge
Use synonyms
and good
behaviour
Use synonyms
In conclusion,
schools
Use synonyms
should teach
behaviour
Use synonyms
and discipline together so that
children
Use synonyms
will have better
behaviour
Use synonyms
and stronger
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay needs a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline your main points and set the stage for your argument. Rephrase your introduction for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay in a more logical way. For example, clearly separate each point with appropriate paragraphs and connect them with transition signals to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and explanations to support your points. For instance, elaborate on how specific aspects of character education can benefit students, using more detailed references.
task achievement
You have recognized the importance of both formal education and character development, which is key to addressing the prompt adequately.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion ties back to your main argument, summarizing your stance effectively, which helps in providing a clear ending to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: