It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behoviour in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Schools
should not only focus on formal learning but also
actively positive character development in pupils.
This
essay agrees that schools
need to educate formal education to pupils with together good behaviour
and also
parents focus on their children
's behaviour
. Firstly
, this
essay will discuss that only knowledge
is given to students
at school
and secondly
the fact that the school
should teach the child knowledge
and behaviour
.
A school
is a place of education. If only education is provided in schools
, if behaviour
is taught by parents to their children
, the level of knowledge
of children
will be much higher. Then
all the attention of teachers
is focused on imparting knowledge
. Change preposition
In European
European
countries Change preposition
In European
Verb problem
apply
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
schools
are an example: teachers
only teach students
. That is
why the level of knowledge
of these students
is very high.
Teaching children
knowledge
and behaviour
together can lead to great success in children
. Not all parents can ensure good behaviour
, but teachers
have years of experience. To do this
, they can teach behaviour
. A similar system is produced in Japan. Students
spend most of their time in school
learning and interacting with and learning from their teachers
most of the day. Behavior is taught along with
discipline. For
this
reason, the world knows and respects the behaviour
of the Japanese people, even the children
of letters, and recognizes Japan as the possessor of high morals. The role of the school
is very big in this
, that is
the system which teaches the teachers
knowledge
and good behaviour
In conclusion, schools
should teach behaviour
and discipline together so that children
will have better behaviour
and stronger knowledge
.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
Your essay needs a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline your main points and set the stage for your argument. Rephrase your introduction for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay in a more logical way. For example, clearly separate each point with appropriate paragraphs and connect them with transition signals to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and explanations to support your points. For instance, elaborate on how specific aspects of character education can benefit students, using more detailed references.
task achievement
You have recognized the importance of both formal education and character development, which is key to addressing the prompt adequately.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion ties back to your main argument, summarizing your stance effectively, which helps in providing a clear ending to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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