A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extend do you agree?
It is believed that the
government
should provide a safe environment for their citizens. Thus
, some of them think, the government
must spend more resources on defence while
lowering the investment in social benefits. In my opinion, I strongly believe that they are both very important, but safety should be always in the first place.
Giving the citizens a secure environment to develop their daily activities, as an illustration
the children Add the comma(s)
illustration,
being
able to go to school by themselves, feeling free to go out for a walk during the day or night, and Wrong verb form
are
having
the possibility of being outdoors without feeling threatened, will improve the quality of life which is essential for the happiness and well being of a country`s population.
Some others may believe, that Wrong verb form
have
on the contrary
, it has a greater positive impact on society by spending more money on better social benefits, for example
improving the quality of education, bringing more governmental aid for the homeless, and perhaps improving the health system. Undoubted all those are great ideas, but, from my perspective, I think that sometimes people abuse from
these benefits, to illustrate, people in good health who decide not to get a job because the money that the Change preposition
apply
government
provides for the unemployed is easier and better, that should not be allowed, not only because is unfair but also
because at some point it will become unsustainable.
In conclusion, there are many points of view and aspects that a government
would have to consider before making Correct article usage
a decicion
decicion
regarding these matters. But I believe that a safe country must be always a priority.Correct your spelling
decision
decisions
Submitted by otiyog on
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task achievement
Your essay covers relevant points but could use more detailed arguments and examples to fully address the prompt. Additionally, balancing the discussion with equal emphasis on both views could strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by well-structured sentences. Consider connecting ideas with appropriate linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence variety and reducing minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity. For example, ensure subject-verb agreement and avoid overly long sentences that may confuse readers.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your stance, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint.
task achievement
You have presented relevant points for both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.