These days many of us prefer to throw damaged things away, whereas in the past people used to repair damaged items and keep them for a long time. Explain why you think this change has happened. What are the effects of this change in attitude?
Nowadays, everything is getting closer,
more
options to choose, Change preposition
with more
and
bigger Change preposition
from and
desire
than Fix the agreement mistake
desires
past
years. Most of us in Change preposition
in past
this
generation prefer to throw away things are
broken Correct pronoun usage
that are
instead
of choosing to think about how to repair to
keep Correct pronoun usage
them to
for
longer. The following essay will illustrate the two Correct pronoun usage
them for
of
principal reasons that I personally think why Change preposition
apply
this
change has happened and what are the effects of this
change in attitude.
Most important of all, the main reason is capitalist society, as enterprises are trying to earn more profits as the products
need to keep updating; so that people
could
keep Wrong verb form
can
buy
their Change the verb form
buying
products
every year, every season. This
behaviour makes
Verb problem
creates
a giant business opportunities
and creates Correct the article-noun agreement
giant business opportunities
a giant business opportunity
amount
of Add an article
an amount
the amount
the
opportunities Correct article usage
apply
of
employment, Change preposition
for
whereas
, people
would become prone to novelty-seeking and quickly tire
of the familiar for these reasons.
Change the spelling
tyre
Secondly
, for example
, the Apple product “IPHONE
” Correct your spelling
IPhone
this
product will sell the
new series per year, some Correct article usage
a
people
chasing
Wrong verb form
chase
funtions
, Correct your spelling
functions
some
Correct word choice
and some
people
chasing
Wrong verb form
chase
the
dignity as Correct article usage
apply
what
I just previously mentioned. Correct pronoun usage
apply
However
, there is a saying about why these companys
Correct your spelling
companies
don’t
afraid Verb problem
are not
of
that new Change preposition
apply
products
don’t
make profits in the future. The reason why is Correct your spelling
won’t
because
they set their Correct word choice
that
products
a limitation, it might be
3 to 5 years Verb problem
take
for using
, so they could prevent Change preposition
to use
people
don’t want to buy new products
instead
of using the original one if there is
no big differences between new and old Change the verb form
are
one
.
Correct pronoun usage
ones
To sum up
, I personally still be
Verb problem
have
half-believing
, half-doubting attitude, since these 3C Correct article usage
a half-believing
products
started to use some advanced materials, for instance
, OLED monitor
whose limitation of Fix the agreement mistake
monitors
using
is originally Replace the word
use
more
less than LED. Maybe it is just because of the materials’ difference Change the word
apply
compare
to the past, so Wrong verb form
compared
people
choose to get a new one instead
of finding ways to repair and keep it.Submitted by eddie910208 on
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task achievement
You have adequately addressed the topic by exploring reasons why the change towards a throwaway culture has occurred and the effects of this change in attitude. To improve, consider providing more specific examples and details.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, make sure each paragraph has a single clear main idea. For example, the first body paragraph can be more focused on how capitalist societies drive consumerism.
task achievement
You have clear and comprehensive ideas, but work on making your examples more specific and relevant. This can make your arguments more convincing and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases consistently to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Transitional phrases like 'In addition', 'Moreover', and 'However' can help make your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
You provided a clear explanation of why the change towards throwing away damaged items has happened, mentioning capitalist society and the influence of large companies like Apple.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets the stage well for the rest of the essay, and your conclusion summarizes your points effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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