IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

today, the high sales of popular consumer goals reflect the power of advertising, and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. to what extent do you agree or disagree give reasons for you answer and include any relevant examples for onw knowledge or experence.

These days there are technological advances developed from the most simple household item to a more complex device to make life easier for us and
therefore
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saving
Wrong verb form
save
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 more
valued
Replace the word
valuable
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 time.
However
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, we are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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surrounded by advertising that
encourage
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encourages
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 us to keep buying these
products
Use synonyms
, even when in
comparission
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with our life without them is not really
diferent
Correct your spelling
different
. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I shall explain perspective by analyzing each statement. It is important,
first,
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to distinguish that
artifacts
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artefacts
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 are created every day, generating acquisition habits. As we can see,
products
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 of daily use
such
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 as home
upgrates
Correct your spelling
upgrades
 or car
accesories
Correct your spelling
accessories
,
for example
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, only produce comfort when using them,
that is
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 not the same as if our most important activities depend
on
Correct pronoun usage
on them
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, making their use essential. Unfortunately, marketing does exaggerated abuse by promoting
products
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 on television in commercials, inciting the purchase of those
products
Use synonyms
 that
gives
Change the verb form
give
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 us a
feel good
Add a hyphen
feel-good
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 sensation
instead
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 of a true help.
In addition
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, another factor to mention is that
in
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apply
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the world around us, is currently influenced by advertisements that we see everywhere,
for instance
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 on the street, on social media or
listenning
Correct your spelling
listening
a
Change preposition
to a
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podcast
too
Rephrase
apply
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, promoting new
products
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 that are just in trend, which
also
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 believe creates
an
Change the article
a
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 habit of recurringly get
products
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 of unnecessary value for us, said
in other words
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, things that are not important.
For example
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, organizers for the fridge are not necessary,
whereas
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 refrigerators have their own drawers.
That is
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 why I firmly believe that the high sales of each product reflect the power of advertising and trends. In conclusion, I believe that the community can make its own decisions when purchasing
products
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, but the environment that surrounds us is frequently promoting
products
Use synonyms
, from my perspective is that the power of communication is powerful and can influence society.

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language
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and word choice. There are several minor errors in spelling and word choice (e.g., 'comparission' should be 'comparison', 'diferent' should be 'different', 'artifacts' should be 'items' or 'products', 'recurringly' should be 'recurrently').
task response
Focus on developing more specific examples to support your points. The examples provided are somewhat generic and could be more concretely tied to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and link your ideas more smoothly to improve coherence. For instance, you jumped from discussing technological advances to advertisement influence, which could be more smoothly transitioned.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly identifiable and serve their purposes well.
task achievement
You provide a clear stance and attempt to analyze the issue from multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure, with clear paragraphs, helps in understanding the flow of your argument.
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