IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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There is a long-term belief that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 should provide deeper lessons about national
history
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 rather than foreign
one
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ones
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. The writer of
this
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 essay totally agrees with that notion since
this
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 can
promote
Verb problem
apply
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advance
students
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's sense of patriotism alongside promoting
national
Correct article usage
the national
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 image When it comes to learning local
history
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 , there is no doubt about its role in shaping children's love for their nation . To explain
further
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 , if
students
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 are encouraged to learn
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history
Add an article
the history
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 of their own
country
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 , it is more likely that these learners will have a much
Correct your spelling
deeper
depper
Correct your spelling
deeper
 perspective about their origin , particularly how their ancestors had made effort to not only construct civilization but
also
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 protect it from several invasions of other enemies in order to maintain the independence of
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country
Add an article
the country
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 .
Therefore
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 ,
this
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 undoubtedly promotes
sense
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a sense
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 of pride
of
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in
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 these
students
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 , making them ready to appreciate and contribute to developing their nation . Taking Vietnam as a specific example , the
history
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 of
a
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apply
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long-term resistance to gain the independence of nationals in
this
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country
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 has been taught and emphasized throughout the action of
priortizing
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prioritizing
history
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 in
educations
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education
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 which leads to young generations becoming aware of their root . Another core reason which should be mentioned is how
this
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 will
also
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 promote the national image .
That is
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 to say , in the globalisation context , it is undeniable that if new generations are transmitted knowledge about their
country
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 , especially cultural values
throughout
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through
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 more
history
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 classes , they can share these
to
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with
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 foreign friends
over
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all over
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 the world which will
disseminates
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disseminate
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 good images of their nation .
Thus
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 , it is more likely that people living in other countries will have a friendly
looking
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look
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 at
one's
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their
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country
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,
Correct word choice
and
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being
Wrong verb form
be
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 willing to form a long-term relationship. In conclusion ,
due to
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 the benefits of allowing
students
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 to be aware of their roots and promoting national image as well , there is no denying
about
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apply
show examples
the fact that it would be much better to teach
students
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 about national
history
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Grammar and Spelling
Consider proofreading your essay for spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity. For example, 'depper' should be 'deeper'.
Writing Technique
Work on sentence variety to make your writing more engaging. Mixing short and long sentences can improve the readability.
Vocabulary Usage
Avoid using repetitive phrases. Instead of saying 'promotes the national image' twice, use synonyms to keep your writing fresh.
Content Development
While the main idea is clear, try to provide more specific examples and illustrations to further clarify your points.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction clearly states your stance, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
Examples
The essay includes appropriate examples to support your main points, particularly the example involving Vietnam.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
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