It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a long-term belief that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
should provide deeper lessons about national
history
rather than foreign
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
. The writer of
this
essay totally agrees with that notion since
this
can
promote
Verb problem
apply
show examples
advance
students
's sense of patriotism alongside promoting
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
image When it comes to learning local
history
, there is no doubt about its role in shaping children's love for their nation . To explain
further
, if
students
are encouraged to learn
history
Add an article
the history
show examples
of their own
country
, it is more likely that these learners will have a much
Correct your spelling
deeper
depper
Correct your spelling
deeper
perspective about their origin , particularly how their ancestors had made effort to not only construct civilization but
also
protect it from several invasions of other enemies in order to maintain the independence of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
Therefore
,
this
undoubtedly promotes
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
of pride
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
these
students
, making them ready to appreciate and contribute to developing their nation . Taking Vietnam as a specific example , the
history
of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
long-term resistance to gain the independence of nationals in
this
country
has been taught and emphasized throughout the action of
priortizing
Correct your spelling
prioritizing
history
in
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
which leads to young generations becoming aware of their root . Another core reason which should be mentioned is how
this
will
also
promote the national image .
That is
to say , in the globalisation context , it is undeniable that if new generations are transmitted knowledge about their
country
, especially cultural values
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
more
history
classes , they can share these
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
foreign friends
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
the world which will
disseminates
Change the verb form
disseminate
show examples
good images of their nation .
Thus
, it is more likely that people living in other countries will have a friendly
looking
Replace the word
look
show examples
at
one's
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
country
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
willing to form a long-term relationship. In conclusion ,
due to
the benefits of allowing
students
to be aware of their roots and promoting national image as well , there is no denying
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that it would be much better to teach
students
about national
history
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar and Spelling
Consider proofreading your essay for spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity. For example, 'depper' should be 'deeper'.
Writing Technique
Work on sentence variety to make your writing more engaging. Mixing short and long sentences can improve the readability.
Vocabulary Usage
Avoid using repetitive phrases. Instead of saying 'promotes the national image' twice, use synonyms to keep your writing fresh.
Content Development
While the main idea is clear, try to provide more specific examples and illustrations to further clarify your points.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction clearly states your stance, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
Examples
The essay includes appropriate examples to support your main points, particularly the example involving Vietnam.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
What to do next:
Look at other essays: