It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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There is a long-term belief that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools

It seems that school may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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should provide deeper lessons about national
history
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rather than foreign
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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. The writer of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay totally agrees with that notion since
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

can
promote
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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advance
students
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's sense of patriotism alongside promoting
national
Correct article usage
the national

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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image When it comes to learning local
history
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, there is no doubt about its role in shaping children's love for their nation . To explain
further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if
students
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are encouraged to learn
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

history
Add an article
the history

The noun phrase history seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of their own
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, it is more likely that these learners will have a much
Correct your spelling
deeper
depper
Correct your spelling
deeper

If you don’t want depper to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

perspective about their origin , particularly how their ancestors had made effort to not only construct civilization but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

protect it from several invasions of other enemies in order to maintain the independence of
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

country
Add an article
the country

The noun phrase country seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

undoubtedly promotes
sense
Add an article
a sense

The noun phrase sense seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of pride
of
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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these
students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, making them ready to appreciate and contribute to developing their nation . Taking Vietnam as a specific example , the
history
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun resistance in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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long-term resistance to gain the independence of nationals in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has been taught and emphasized throughout the action of
priortizing
Correct your spelling
prioritizing

If you don’t want priortizing to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

history
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education

It seems that educations may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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which leads to young generations becoming aware of their root . Another core reason which should be mentioned is how
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

will
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

promote the national image .
That is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to say , in the globalisation context , it is undeniable that if new generations are transmitted knowledge about their
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, especially cultural values
throughout
Change preposition
through

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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more
history
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

classes , they can share these
to
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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foreign friends
over
Rephrase
all over

There may be an adverb issue here.

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the world which will
disseminates
Change the verb form
disseminate

The verb disseminates after the modal verb will does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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good images of their nation .
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is more likely that people living in other countries will have a friendly
looking
Replace the word
look

The word looking doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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at
one's
Correct your spelling
their

The word one's doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
Correct word choice
and

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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being
Wrong verb form
be

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb being. Consider changing it.

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willing to form a long-term relationship. In conclusion ,
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the benefits of allowing
students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to be aware of their roots and promoting national image as well , there is no denying
about
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the fact that it would be much better to teach
students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

about national
history
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

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Grammar and Spelling
Consider proofreading your essay for spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity. For example, 'depper' should be 'deeper'.
Writing Technique
Work on sentence variety to make your writing more engaging. Mixing short and long sentences can improve the readability.
Vocabulary Usage
Avoid using repetitive phrases. Instead of saying 'promotes the national image' twice, use synonyms to keep your writing fresh.
Content Development
While the main idea is clear, try to provide more specific examples and illustrations to further clarify your points.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction clearly states your stance, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
Examples
The essay includes appropriate examples to support your main points, particularly the example involving Vietnam.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
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