IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The first graph shows the number of train passengers from 2000 to 2009; the second compares the percentage of trains running on time and target in the period.

The first graph shows the number of train passengers from 2000 to 2009; the second compares the percentage of trains running on time and target in the period.
#first #train #passengers #second #percentage #trains #time #target #period
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The line graph illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
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the number of
passengers
 who used
trains
as well as
 the
percentage
 of
trains
 running on time between 2000 and 2009 in Japan.
Overall
, it is evident that, over the period, the portion of train
passengers
 nearly
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
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 off
while
 the
percentage
 of
trains
 running on time fluctuated.
According to
 the data, the number of train patron recorded nearly between 35 and 40
million
 throughout the first half of the period.
However
, in 2003 and 2005, increased substantially from 36
million
 to 46
million
, respectively. And
then
 constantly decreased and recorded 41
million
 in 2009. Looking more closely, one can see that the
percentage
 of
trains
 running on time was recorded at 92% in 2000, which had a difference of 3% compared to the ordinary target. The figures increased by 96% until 2004.
However
, it decreased dramatically to 92% in 2006. During the period from 2005 to 2008, the
percentage
 of
trains
 running was at its lowest, despite a high number of
passengers
.
In contrast
, in 2003, the
trains
 ran more frequently but had fewer
passengers
 compared to the other years.
Submitted by kopopig on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words passengers, trains, percentage, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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