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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today a lot of different cultures and ethics groups live together in one country. Why is this so and do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#cultures #ethics #groups #country #development
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The variety of cultures in a
country
Use synonyms
 is a tremendous wealth. A culture can be defined as a sort of traditions and customs that a group of public share together.
This
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 mixture of
ethnics
Change the noun form
ethnic
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 groups can lead to a rich society
while
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 some
crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
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 can see that as a threat. In my opinion, having plural origins in the same
country
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 has many advantages including enriching
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 fashion, and discovering other cultures. One common benefit of diversity lies in the wealth of culture. Coming from different nations, individuals bring their traditions and customs.
Although
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 they are more attached to their habits, people can
also
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 learn new behaviours from other immigrants
such
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 as clothing, food, and celebrations.
This
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 mixture is a positive sign of integration
as well as
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 socializing.
For instance
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, in Canada, different populations live peacefully together in the same neighbourhood and participate in traditional celebrations together. Another positive development is that inhabitants can learn from other communities. Living in a cosmopolitan
country
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 gives an opportunity to discover new habits. Citizens used to behave in the same way as their fellow citizens but there are so many attitudes somewhere else that encouraging immigration can allow natives to learn.
For example
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, in some countries, children are very respectful towards elders and these pupils can influence their peers to conduct themselves in the same way. In conclusion, immigration must be encouraged because it is essential for society in terms of enriching the
country
Use synonyms
's civilization and discovering others' traditions.
Submitted by ibamba88 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly. Sometimes the ideas jump a bit abruptly, which can make it slightly harder for the reader to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction by providing a clearer thesis statement that directly reflects the reasons and positive aspects discussed later in the essay.
task achievement
While the essay overall addresses the question well, ensure that you directly address both parts of the question in the introduction and conclusion to underline the point made.
task achievement
Ensure that each point made is clearly tied back to the main argument about why diversity is beneficial. Sometimes, the connection between the example and the main argument could be clearer.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, such as the example of Canada and respecting elders, to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the essay well.
coherence cohesion
The main points are largely coherent and logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct positive aspect of cultural diversity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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