IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many believe that the best way to solve environmental problems is to increase the price of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#price #fuel
Law enforcement, which is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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the most effective way to prevent illegal activities, is said to be better to raise the
price
 of fuel to avoid environmental issues. In
this
 essay why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally agree with the very perspective will be discussed.
Firstly
, punishment has not always been assumed as the most indispensable approach to
dissolve
Wrong verb form
dissolving
show examples
 environmental problems. To illustrate, some jobs
such
 as taxi driving, bus driving, and bike delivery not only need more amount of fuel but
also
 the
price
 of that should be abated for them because the more they work, the more money they should pay.
Furthermore
, they assist with the environmental problems to solve as soon as possible since public transportation is counted as the best facility to diminish
air
 pollution.
On the other hand
, some taxi drivers utilize their
taxies
Correct your spelling
taxis
show examples
 for personal usage.
Although
 they have demanding jobs, the government has to legislate a law to limit their usage and if they use their
taxies
Correct your spelling
taxis
show examples
 for extra hours, they should pay extra money.
Thirdly
, if the authorities establish a law that the
price
 of fuel should be increased, they prevent the degradation of the environment.
For instance
, abundant gasses are emitted from cars and they lead to devastate our weather and
air
 contamination. If people get used to utilizing public transportation
instead
 of their own cars because of
raised
Correct article usage
the raised
show examples
price
 of fuels, environmental issues
such
 as
air
 pollution will be diminished. Albeit
due to
 increasing the
price
 of fuels will develop congestion in subways, buses and etc, prevent lots of diseases will be contracted because of
air
 pollution. In conclusion, it is essential to enforce laws to prevent some environmental issues,
such
 as raising the
price
 of fuels.
Submitted by Golden Goals on

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task response
Your introduction should frame the issue more clearly. While you state that you agree with raising fuel prices, the mention of law enforcement is confusing. Consider rephrasing it to make the topic and your stance clearer from the start.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that each idea is distinct. Some of your ideas seem to merge into each other, which affects the overall clarity of your argument.
task response
Try to use more specific examples or expand upon the ones you provide. This will help make your arguments more convincing and grounded in reality.
cohesion
Make use of linking words and phrases (e.g., subsequently, moreover, hence) to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help maintain a smooth logical progression in your essay.
general
Some sentences are grammatically incorrect or awkwardly phrased. Consider reviewing your work for sentence structure and verb agreement. Using active voice and clearer sentence construction will help your essay read more smoothly.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument, providing a sense of completion to your essay.
task response
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses multiple aspects of the question.
task response
You incorporate several relevant points and examples into your essay, which helps to support your main arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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