The provided bar chart depicts the changes in the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia over a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2010.

#bar #changes #percentage #males #females #australia #period

The bar chart

illustrat

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illustrates

illustrate

the changes in the percentage of overweight

woman

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women

show examples

and

man

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men

show examples

in four decades in Australia. The data are

musured

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measured

in percentage.

Overall

, it can be seen that there

are

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show examples

a significant difference between male and

famel

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female

frame

fame

rate

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rates

show examples

. The

propotion

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proportion

overweightness

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overweight ness

increase

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increases

show examples

gradually

throught

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through

throughout

the period for both

ginder

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genders

One

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show examples

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand , the initial number of men was less than half in 1980

then

it rose slightly to around 52%.

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

the figure showed a dramatic increase th reach a

peack

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peak

at 70% in 2000.

One

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show examples

the other hand,

Correct article usage

the Famal

show examples

Famal

Correct word choice

the female

show examples

rate was relatively low compared to

male

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males

show examples

. In 1980 the number of overweight

wommen

Correct your spelling

women

was 30%

then

it rose to 40% and it

remind

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reminds

show examples

stabel

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stable

for the next two

year

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years

show examples

at exactly 50%.

Submitted by ananan2780 on Wed May 29 2024

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.

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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

128 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The provided bar chart depicts the changes in the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia over a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2010.

In many countries, the qualities of life in large cities is becoming worse. What are the cause for this problem? What measure should be taken to tackle this problem?

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Studying the English language in an English-speaking country is the best but not the only way to learn language. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.