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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. Do advantage of this development outweigh this disadvantages ?

#students #university #study #country #opportunities #advantage #development
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In the
last
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 few years,
students
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 have obtained university degrees, that they have studied in their own countries. Nowadays,
students
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 have several opportunities to complete their
education
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 in other countries. I strongly believe that the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks simply because
education
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 in other countries could be more advanced towards the
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students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 development. On the one hand, there are numerous advantages of travelling to study abroad.
Firstly
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,
students
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 have an opportunity to learn a new language, culture,
lifestyle
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and lifestyle
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,
visiting
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visit
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 foreign cities, and
meeting
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meet
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 foreign people during their tertiary
education
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.
Moreover
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, studying internationally has become very
in
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important in
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 getting employed because most companies are actively searching for
students
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 who have international degrees.
This
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 is mainly because, they provide international experience experience, knowledge and skills.
For instance
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, a friend of mine went to study outside his country for 5 years. When he came back a lot of companies invited him to work with them in order for his ability to help lead their business to success.
Nevertheless
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, there are some disadvantages to learning abroad.
Such
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 as, when someone desires to study abroad alone, they could suffer from loneliness from being from their families and friends. In conclusion, I strongly believe that studying abroad is more beneficial than studying in
ones
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one's
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 own country.
Furthermore
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, a lot of people want to join
a
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an
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 international university to take a higher level of
education
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 in order to accomplish their dreams.
Submitted by nahlaalrashidi on

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task response
To improve task response, try to include specific examples that are directly relevant to your points. For instance, you mentioned a friend studying abroad; detailing more about the specifics of his experience can make your argument stronger.
task response
Your ideas are mostly clear and comprehensive. However, to make your points more compelling, ensure each point is elaborated well with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is strong, but some sentences could be more clearly linked for better flow. For example, transitioning smoothly between the benefits of studying abroad and any potential drawbacks would enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
While you've presented an introduction and conclusion effectively, more balance in the discussion of advantages and disadvantages can make your argument more nuanced.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the argument well.
task response
Your main points are relevant and directly address the task question, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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