IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is widely believed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 one of the very first goals of growing
science
Use synonyms
 is enhancing the standards of human life. Personally, I subscribe to
this
Linking Words
 insight to a large extent. Our way of life has been improved thanks to advances in
science
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
growing
science
Use synonyms
 leads to
Correct article usage
the discovering
show examples
discovering
Replace the word
discovery
show examples
colossal
Change preposition
of colossal
show examples
 methods and medications in the medical field.
That is
Linking Words
, it has helped scholars tremendously find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
treatments for uncurable diseases. Take cancer as an example. Numerous drugs and methods,
such
Linking Words
 as chemotherapy have been discovered to cure patients who have developed cancer. Previously, there were no efficient treatments for
such
Linking Words
 diseases,
therefore
Linking Words
 patients used to pass away. Advanced medications not only developed our medical facilities but
also
Linking Words
 decreased the mortality rate.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, growing
science
Use synonyms
 results in sophisticated
technology
Use synonyms
. Scientists have developed methods to take advantage of natural resources rather than fossil fuels in order to capture energy.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays, there are so many facilities,
such
Linking Words
 as windmills and solar panels to harness the energy of wind and sun.
This
Linking Words
 can easily decline the desire for fossil fuels which can pose devastating effects on the environment. Utilizing the energy of natural resources can apparently reduce the air pollution and water contamination caused by burning gas, coal, and charcoal.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a panel of people claim that advanced
technology
Use synonyms
 may result in some serious drawbacks. They believe unemployment in
this
Linking Words
 day is stemmed from sophisticated
technology
Use synonyms
. To clarify,
invention
Add an article
the invention
an invention
show examples
 of artificial intelligence (AI) is one of the most threatening factors which can cause unemployment. When
this
Linking Words
 novel
technology
Use synonyms
 can meet various requirements, employers will become reluctant to take
Correct article usage
the workforces
show examples
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
show examples
 on.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 issue can easily be managed by imposing intellectual laws. In conclusion,
due to
Linking Words
 the foregoing reasons,
although
Linking Words
 there might be some downsides, the advantages of
science
Use synonyms
 in our lives are far more than the disadvantages.
Hence
Linking Words
, owing to advanced approaches in medicine and
technology
Use synonyms
, I am totally in favour of
this
Linking Words
 view.
Submitted by aradzandieh.dvm on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
The essay could benefit from more seamless transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow and coherence.
task response
While the main points are well-supported, some arguments could be further elaborated to provide a deeper analysis, particularly regarding the potential downsides of advanced technology.
specific examples
The essay presents clear, comprehensive ideas and provides relevant, specific examples, such as advancements in medical treatments and the use of renewable energy.
structural elements
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear framework for the essay and reinforcing the main points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: