Topic 14: (25/06/2016) Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #people #government #money #lifestyle #illness #treatment

health issues and obesity are

areguble

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arguable

arguably

nowadays, some

beileve

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believe

that government

spendings

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spending

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should be

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promoting

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show examples

healthy

life style

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lifestyle

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prrevent

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prevent

illness rather than using it

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show examples

teartment

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treatment

. I totally agree with

for

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this for

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very

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a very

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important reason and in

this

essay

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essay,

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will explain and

proved

Verb problem

provide

show examples

examples.

Firstly

beileve

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believe

that governments play

crucial

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a crucial

show examples

role in it is

citizens

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citizens'

citizen's

show examples

well-being, for that government should promote

healty

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healthy

life style

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lifestyles

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and

such

proveding

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providing

information about healthy food and diet. Another

exmple

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example

to promote

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of promoting

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healthy

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a healthy

show examples

life style

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lifestyle

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Remove the comma

apply

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is by encouraging

the

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apply

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people to go to the gym and doing physical activities and spport the gym

onwers

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owners

to reduce the fees of

member ships

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memberships

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so anyone can join the gym easily even

for

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apply

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people with lower income.

seconly

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Secondly

, The government should

but

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put

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restrictions on consuming fast food and sugary drinks, That eventually will lead to less obesity in the whole population and that will reduce illness

overall

besides

that, the

Submitted by abdullahnawaf_511 on Wed May 29 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay should have a clearer structure. Consider using paragraphs to separate your introduction, body, and conclusion. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.

task achievement

Try to develop each main point more thoroughly. Providing more detailed examples and explaining their relevance will strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Pay attention to spelling and grammar mistakes. Proofreading your essay before submitting it can help catch these errors.

coherence cohesion

Make sure to have a clear introduction that states your position and outlines your main points. Similarly, a conclusion that summarizes your key arguments will help round off your essay effectively.

task achievement

You've made a clear stance on the issue, which is great. Stating your position unequivocally helps the reader understand your perspective.

task achievement

Your essay covers several relevant points on promoting a healthy lifestyle, such as information about healthy food, diet, and physical activities, which are very pertinent to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

155 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic 14: (25/06/2016) Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some companies and organisations require thier employees to wear uniforms. What are advantages and disadvantage of this ?

Citizens of all developed countries should be forced to give a percentage of their income to citizens of poorer countries in order to assist them with basic needs. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?