IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Topic 14: (25/06/2016) Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #people #government #money #lifestyle #illness #treatment
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health issues and obesity are
areguble
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arguable
arguably
 nowadays, some
beileve
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believe
 that government
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 should be
in
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on
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 promoting
Correct article usage
a
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healthy
life style
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lifestyle
show examples
 to
prrevent
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prevent
 illness rather than using it
on
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in
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teartment
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treatment
. I totally agree with
for
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this for
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very
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a very
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 important reason and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
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I
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 will explain and
proved
Verb problem
provide
show examples
 examples.
Firstly
,
beileve
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believe
 that governments play
crucial
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a crucial
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 role in it is
citizens
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citizens'
citizen's
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 well-being, for that government should promote
healty
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healthy
life style
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lifestyles
show examples
 and
such
 as
proveding
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providing
 information about healthy food and diet. Another
exmple
Correct your spelling
example
to promote
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of promoting
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healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
,
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apply
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 is by encouraging
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people to go to the gym and doing physical activities and spport the gym
onwers
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owners
 to reduce the fees of
member ships
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memberships
show examples
 so anyone can join the gym easily even
for
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apply
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people with lower income.
seconly
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Secondly
, The government should
but
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put
show examples
 restrictions on consuming fast food and sugary drinks, That eventually will lead to less obesity in the whole population and that will reduce illness
overall
.
besides
 that, the
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coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clearer structure. Consider using paragraphs to separate your introduction, body, and conclusion. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Try to develop each main point more thoroughly. Providing more detailed examples and explaining their relevance will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Pay attention to spelling and grammar mistakes. Proofreading your essay before submitting it can help catch these errors.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction that states your position and outlines your main points. Similarly, a conclusion that summarizes your key arguments will help round off your essay effectively.
task achievement
You've made a clear stance on the issue, which is great. Stating your position unequivocally helps the reader understand your perspective.
task achievement
Your essay covers several relevant points on promoting a healthy lifestyle, such as information about healthy food, diet, and physical activities, which are very pertinent to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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