IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You are accepted as an oversea student by a university. You want some information before your go to the university: Write a letter to the student officer. In your letter •Ask him/her about the accommodation •Transport facility •The class schedule

#oversea #student #university #information #officer #•ask #accommodation #•transport #facility #•the #class #schedule
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Dear Sir, My name is Rajwant Singh, and I have recently enrolled in
Correct article usage
an advance
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Correct article usage
an advance
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Replace the word
advanced
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advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 business management course, starting next month. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter in regard to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 information about my arrangements before moving to Canada.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I would like a single room with
air
Correct article usage
an air
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 conditioner and laundry facilities. I would appreciate
if
Correct pronoun usage
it if
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 you
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 arrange one at
student
Correct article usage
the student
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 hostel.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I request you to provide some information
of
Change preposition
on
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 how
transport
Correct article usage
the transport
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 facility
is working
Wrong verb form
works
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such
Linking Words
 as student policies, and college Transportation. Would it be suitable for me to have my own vehicle?
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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 if yes! What sort of documents
I need
Add an auxiliary verb
do I need
did I need
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 for my driving license?
Lastly
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
mine
Correct pronoun usage
my
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 enrollment letter, my classes will commence in the first week of July,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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it
Correct pronoun usage
I
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 would be grateful
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if you could send me a detailed schedule of my classes
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that I can plan
accordingly
Linking Words
. I look forward to hearing from you very soon. Yours Faithfully, Raj
Submitted by rajwants.1997 on

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coherence
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. Currently, the transitions can feel a bit abrupt.
coherence
For better clarity, consider breaking some of the longer sentences into shorter ones. This will assist in making the letter easier to read and understand.
accuracy
Make sure to review for any minor grammatical inaccuracies, though they do not majorly impact the overall comprehension.
task achievement
The letter covers all the required points: accommodation, transport facility, and class schedule.
task achievement
The tone is polite and appropriately formal for a letter to a student officer.
coherence
The letter has a clear introduction and closing, which helps in making it well-structured.
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