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Band 5.5

SOME PEOPLE THINK IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO SPEND MONEY ON ROADS AND MORTOWAYS THAN ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEMS SUCH AS RAILWAYS AND TRAMS. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#people #money #roads #mortoways #transport #systems #railways #trams
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MANY PEOPLE ARE OF THE OPINION THAT THEY SHOULD SPEND MONEY ON
ROADS
 AND MOTORWAYS WHICH IS THE BETTER WAY THAN ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEMS
SUCH
 AS RAILWAYS AND TRAMS. PERSONALLY, I DISAGREE WITH
THIS
 POINT OF VIEW AND WILL HIGHLIGHT THE REASONS WHY IN THE FOLLOWING ESSAY. IT IS VITAL TO UNDERSTAND THAT HUMANS RIDE MORE VEHICLES ON
ROADS
 OR STREETS HAVE LOTS OF PROBLEMS.
THIS
 IS BECAUSE MORE VEHICLES IN THE STREETS CAUSE TRAFFIC JAMS, CROWDED AND INCREASED POPULATION PARTICIPATION ON
ROADS
.
ALSO
, IT CAN MAKE MORE POLLUTION AIR GETS DIRTY AND HARMFUL.
FOR EXAMPLE
, LOTS OF HOUSES NEAR BIG STREETS WHICH ARE CROWDED AND TRAFFIC JAMS EVERY DAY CAUSE THEIR HOUSE AND THEY AFFECTED NEGATIVELY WAY BY SMOKE, NOISE, AND UNBREATHE IN THE
ROADS
. ANOTHER POINT WORTH CONSIDERING IS TO USE A MOTOBIKE OR CAR WHICH VEHICLES RIDE BY MORE CONVENIENT AND QUICKLY. BECAUSE WE CAN CONTROL AND GO EVERYWHERE THAT WE WANT. USING PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION IS MORE INCONVENIENT IN THAT WE HAVE TO WAIT A LOT OF TIME ,
MOREOVER
, WE CAN BE LATE FOR SCHOOL OR WORK, TOO. IN CONCLUSION, USING TRANSPORTATION IS MORE BENEFICIAL TO OUR LIVES BECAUSE WE CAN REDUCE THE POPULATION ON THE
ROADS
, WASTE HARMFUL POLLUTION AIR AND TRAFFIC JAMS. MAKE OUR
ROADS
 MORE WIDE AND EASY TO MOVE.
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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on specific examples and provide clearer connections between points. This will help in making your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from better linking words and phrases to improve the flow of the arguments. This will enhance the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
Refine your introduction and conclusion to be more engaging and concise. The introduction should clearly outline what you will discuss and the conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for a good essay.
task achievement
Your points are relevant to the topic and you have made an effort to explain your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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