IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-62 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-62 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #show #percentage #men #women #four #countries #information #features #comparisons
Two
 bar
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 information about the genders
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
aged from 60 to 64 who were farmed in four countries
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1970 and 2000. The chart
shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 number of
percentage
.
Overall
, the
percentage
 of genders aged 60-64 in employment
highest
Add a missing verb
was highest
show examples
Change preposition
in
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Japan in 2000
while
 men and women
lowest
Add a missing verb
were lowest
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Change preposition
in
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Belgium
 in 1970.
Additionally
,
men’s
Change preposition
in men’s
show examples
Belgium
 the spreads are quite high between 1970 and 2000. Beginning with during 1970 and 2000 the
percentage
 of women who were employed
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Belgium
about
Add a missing verb
was about
show examples
 7% and 8%. Next
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 the
percentage
 of
two
 years
higher
Add a missing verb
is higher
show examples
 than
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Belgium
 about 31% in 1970 and 28% in 2000. Moving
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Japan and Australia in 1970 the
percentage
 of women employed
about
Add a missing verb
was about
show examples
 40 and 18%
while
 in 2000
had
Verb problem
it was
show examples
 43 and 16%. Moving on the
percentage
 of men who farmed
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Belgium
 in 1970
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 about 19% but in 2000 that higher in 1970 about 60%,
this
 had the spreads are quite high for
two
 years. In
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and Japan
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
percentage
 employed in
two
 years
about
Add a missing verb
was about
show examples
 55% and 74% in 1970, 73% and 86% in 2000.
Finally
, In Australia
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
men farmed at there about 76% in 2000 and 47% in 1970.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words two, percentage, belgium with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 8 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rate
  • percentage
  • aged 60-64
  • employed
  • country
  • comparison
  • trends
  • increase
  • decrease
  • significant changes
  • socio-economic factors
  • gender disparity
  • highest
  • lowest
  • dataset
What to do next:
Look at other essays: