IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals
In recent days,
people
 have held different views about whether we become more dependent on others.
While
,
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 some argue that
people
 are more reliant on others than they used to.
This
 essay believes that we are more independent than
people
 in the past. On the one hand, there are some reasons that could be argued that we depend on each other now.
First,
life is complex and difficult, especially, since the cost of living has increased dramatically. Young adults tend to require their parents for financial help when they buy a house because property prices have been higher in recent days.
Secondly
,
people
 seem to be more ambitious about a better life for their family.
Therefore
, both parents have to work overtime and exhaustedly in order to provide for their children's careers.
On the other hand
, I would agree with those who believe that we are more independent these days. Some
people
 think that being dependent on others will waste their time.
Also
, becoming independent may increase confidence in facing difficult situations and it helps
people
 enhance decision-making skills.
For instance
, many parents often encourage their children to study abroad
instead
 of going to the local university because
this
 experience gives them some information about the other environment. In conclusion,
while
 there are some reasons to believe that modern
people
 are reliant on each other, my own view is that we are more independent in recent years.

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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and relevant examples to support your arguments. This not only strengthens your position but also makes your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Work on expanding and elaborating your main points with more specific details. This helps in achieving a more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next by using appropriate transition words and phrases to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your essay well.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure with paragraphs dedicated to both views and your own opinion.
task achievement
You have presented clear ideas and your writing is easy to follow, making it accessible to the readers.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
What to do next:
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