IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a chil's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #classes #chil #development #subjects #schools
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In
art
 lessons, painting and drawing are as vital
t
Correct your spelling
to
 a
kis's
Correct your spelling
kid's
kiss
 development as other
subjects
, so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 need to become a necessary subject in high schools. From my perspective, I
bothe
Correct your spelling
both
 agree and disagree with those ideas and will tell the reason why. It
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 vital to understand that
students
 should
sutdy
Correct your spelling
study
 the main
subjects
 retailed to their jobs in the future. The main
subjects
 will be guaranteed
improving
Wrong verb form
to improve their
show examples
 knowledge and reduce stress when they study a lot of
subjects
. Receiving information at the same time makes them overloaded with
datas
Correct your spelling
data
. It is difficult for
students
 to acquire knowledge. Chinese
students
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 an example, they spend a
lo
Correct your spelling
lot
show examples
 of time
studyin
Correct your spelling
studying
 and do not have time to relax.
As a result
,
art
 classes do not need to study in high schools.
On the contrary
,
art
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 will help
students
 develop social skills
such
 as creativity, critical thinking and
problems-solving
Correct your spelling
problem-solving
show examples
. It will make people feel easier in
stuyding
Correct your spelling
studying
 with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
subjects
 and have a good chance to develop themselves.
In addition
, the children should study
art
 because they need to develop acumen in thinking. They have an opportunity to learn how to observe works of
art
 and understand the meaning of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
. The
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
 of
panting
Correct your spelling
painting
show examples
 and drawing will help children get excited about learning. In conclusion,
while
 I support the view that both drawing and painting will
be developed
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 the ability of
art
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children,
this
 author
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
 that
art
 lessons
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not a compulsory subject in high schools.

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grammar vocabulary
1. Work on grammar and spelling: Make sure to double-check your essay for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. For example, 'kids' should be 'kids'', 'need' should be 'needs', and 'suty' should be 'study'.
task achievement
2. Provide clear and relevant examples: Your essay would benefit from specific and detailed examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning successful educational models that include art could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
3. Improve transitions: Use transition words or phrases to make the progression of ideas smoother. Words such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', 'In addition', etc., will help connect the sentences and paragraphs seamlessly.
task achievement
1. Balanced viewpoint: Your essay does well in presenting a balanced viewpoint by discussing both the pros and cons of the argument.
coherence cohesion
2. Logical organization: Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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