IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar charts illustrate the percentage of senior demographics from 60-64 who were still members of the labour force, classified by
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
, in 1970 and 2000. Looking at the graph from a general perspective, it is readily apparent that regardless of
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
, there were fewer and fewer senior employees over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time with women witnessing a more drastic downturn than men.
Also
Linking Words
,
Belgium
Use synonyms
 recorded the most rapid decline in the percentage of working old people regarding both genders. In 1970, 79% and 76% of men aged 60-64 were employed in
Belgium
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 in turn, a bit lower than those of the
USA
Use synonyms
 (86%) and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 (84%). 30 years later, these figures declined by 8 to 13% in three countries namely the
USA
Use synonyms
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 whilst a substantial drop of 27% was seen in the proportion of working males in
Belgium
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, there was a wider discrepancy among employed women aged 60-64 in four nations compared to men. In 1970, the
USA
Use synonyms
 headed the list with 78% working females. Next came
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 (65%),
Belgium
Use synonyms
 (63%), and
last
Linking Words
 position was
Japan
Use synonyms
 with only 56%. In 2000, there were remarkable falls to around 45 to 50% in the figures for
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
, approximately six times higher than that of
Belgium
Use synonyms
, representing a negligible 8%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words belgium, japan, usa, indonesia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: