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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000.summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feartures and make comparisons where relevant.

the graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000.summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feartures and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #show #percentage #men #women #four #countries #information #feartures #comparisons
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
two graphs give
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
the summarizes
Wrong verb form
summarisation
show examples
 by choosing and reporting
of aged
Change preposition
ages
show examples
 from 60 to 64 in four nations between 1970 and 2000
Overall
Linking Words
, employment facts for
men
Use synonyms
 were generally higher than the
women
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 graph with Japan leading
Use synonyms
list
Correct article usage
the list
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there was a decline in employment among
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 age
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 four countries the start
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1970 in two graphs, the figures for the
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 a peak of
Use synonyms
list
Add an article
the list
show examples
 with from 40% to 70%, Followed by
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 stayed from 38% to 55% and got a second position. In the
third ranked
Add a hyphen
third-ranked
show examples
 was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia over
period
Add an article
a period
show examples
 of 29%, starting
18
Change preposition
at 18
show examples
%.
In addition
Linking Words
, that of Belgium bottomed at
Use synonyms
list
Correct article usage
the list
show examples
 with 7% to 19%. Moving to the next years in 2000, the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in Japan
also
Linking Words
 peaked at
Use synonyms
list
Add an article
the list
show examples
 at 43% to 86%,
however
Linking Words
, the second place is converted by that of Belgium with 8% to 79%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the figures for the
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in Australia overcame that of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 bottomed at four countries with 36% to 76%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, list with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rate
  • percentage
  • age group
  • gender gap
  • significant increase/decrease
  • compare
  • trend
  • highlight
  • potential reasons
  • narrowed/widened
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