IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

the graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000.summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feartures and make comparisons where relevant.

the graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000.summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feartures and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #show #percentage #men #women #four #countries #information #feartures #comparisons
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
two graphs give
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
the summarizes
Wrong verb form
summarisation
show examples
 by choosing and reporting
of aged
Change preposition
ages
show examples
 from 60 to 64 in four nations between 1970 and 2000
Overall
, employment facts for
men
 were generally higher than the
women
 in
this
 graph with Japan leading
list
Correct article usage
the list
show examples
.
Additionally
, there was a decline in employment among
men
 and
women
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
 age
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 four countries the start
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1970 in two graphs, the figures for the
men
 and
women
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 a peak of
list
Add an article
the list
show examples
 with from 40% to 70%, Followed by
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 stayed from 38% to 55% and got a second position. In the
third ranked
Add a hyphen
third-ranked
show examples
 was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia over
period
Add an article
a period
show examples
 of 29%, starting
18
Change preposition
at 18
show examples
%.
In addition
, that of Belgium bottomed at
list
Correct article usage
the list
show examples
 with 7% to 19%. Moving to the next years in 2000, the percentage of
men
 and
women
 in Japan
also
 peaked at
list
Add an article
the list
show examples
 at 43% to 86%,
however
, the second place is converted by that of Belgium with 8% to 79%.
Moreover
, the figures for the
men
 and
women
 in Australia overcame that of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
while
 the proportion of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 bottomed at four countries with 36% to 76%.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, list with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rate
  • percentage
  • age group
  • gender gap
  • significant increase/decrease
  • compare
  • trend
  • highlight
  • potential reasons
  • narrowed/widened
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!