Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim is has positive effects for children as they grow up. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many individuals think that watching
TV
is useless for children
, while
others assume it has beneficial effects for child
as they Fix the agreement mistake
children
became
mature. Change the form of the verb
become
This
writer’s opinion is the latter idea and the reasons why will be outlined in this
essay.
First of all, watching TV
is one of the most vital factors to
helping Change preposition
in
children
learn more knowledge. Parents can turn on programs which regard wild animals or world education is
displayed on Unnecessary verb
apply
TV
. Add an article
the TV
a TV
Moreover
, children
can watch some cartoons or animation for entertainment after studious hours. It will reduce stress and pressure of
Change preposition
on
children
and make them more interested in learning by television. Furthermore
, watching TV
also
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
transmission
of knowledge and a good grasp of various fields. Correct article usage
a transmission
Consequently
, children
will study their way through amusement. It is evident that many parents let their kids study own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
rely
on programs Correct word choice
and rely
are showed
.
Another point Wrong verb form
shown
must
be considered is that Correct pronoun usage
that must
children
can be
addicted to Verb problem
become
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
TV
and start to ignore learning. In addition
, some adults believe that it wastes much time of
Change preposition
with
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
instead
of sending them to extracurricular classes at nights
. Fix the agreement mistake
night
Besides
that, children
may see toxic programs are
demonstrated Unnecessary verb
apply
such
as violence or inappropriate video clip
for babies. Fix the agreement mistake
clips
Therefore
, children
should watch TV
under supervision
of parents or install surveillance cameras in Add an article
the supervision
home
in order to find out immediately. Add an article
a home
the home
As a result
, children
should be managed
Wrong verb form
manage
to
their time and Change preposition
apply
Correct article usage
the contents
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
which
they look at on Correct pronoun usage
apply
TV
. This
is the fact in Vietnam, some kids become naughty due to
lack of guidance.
In conclusion, watching TV
has positive
impact on babies if they are controlled thoughtfully. Add an article
a positive
Thus
, I think that the latter statement is the best opinion.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents both views on the topic, but it could benefit from a clearer and more structured argument. Ensure you stay focused on the points you are presenting for each view and link them more cohesively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets up the discussion but could be more concise. Try to directly state both sides of the argument without unnecessary phrases.
task achievement
It's important to support your points with clear and relevant examples. Specific examples relevant to the real-world application of watching TV, both positively and negatively, would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Expand on the impact of TV with more comprehensive ideas. For example, delve into the potential educational benefits in more specific terms or explain the mechanisms of how TV might distract children from studying more clearly.
task achievement
When discussing the negative view, try to present a stronger argument with clearer examples and specific details to balance the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Use smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve readability and flow. For example, connect the ideas with linking phrases and more varied sentence structures.
task response
You have done well to address both views on the topic and presented a clear opinion in your conclusion.
task response
Specific recommendations, such as parental supervision, add practical value to your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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