Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim is has positive effects for children as they grow up. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many individuals think that watching

Use synonyms

is useless for

children

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while

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others assume it has beneficial effects for

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

as they

became

Change the form of the verb

become

show examples

mature.

This

Linking Words

writer’s opinion is the latter idea and the reasons why will be outlined in

this

Linking Words

essay. First of all, watching

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is one of the most vital factors

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show examples

helping

children

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learn more knowledge. Parents can turn on programs which regard wild animals or world education

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

displayed on

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Add an article

the TV

a TV

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

children

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can watch some cartoons or animation for entertainment after studious hours. It will reduce stress and pressure

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show examples

children

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and make them more interested in learning by television.

Furthermore

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, watching

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also

Linking Words

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

transmission

Correct article usage

a transmission

show examples

of knowledge and a good grasp of various fields.

Consequently

Linking Words

children

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will study their way through amusement. It is evident that many parents let their kids study

own

Correct pronoun usage

their own

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rely

Correct word choice

and rely

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on programs

are showed

Wrong verb form

shown

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. Another point

must

Correct pronoun usage

that must

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be considered is that

children

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can

Verb problem

become

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addicted to

watch

Wrong verb form

watching

show examples

Use synonyms

and start to ignore learning.

In addition

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, some adults believe that it wastes much time

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with

show examples

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

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instead

Linking Words

of sending them to extracurricular classes at

nights

Fix the agreement mistake

night

show examples

Besides

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that,

children

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may see toxic programs

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

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demonstrated

such

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as violence or inappropriate video

clip

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clips

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for babies.

Therefore

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children

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should watch

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under

supervision

Add an article

the supervision

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of parents or install surveillance cameras in

home

Add an article

a home

the home

show examples

in order to find out immediately.

As a result

Linking Words

children

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should

be managed

Wrong verb form

manage

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their time and

Correct article usage

the contents

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contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

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which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

they look at on

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This

Linking Words

is the fact in Vietnam, some kids become naughty

due to

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lack of guidance. In conclusion, watching

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has

positive

Add an article

a positive

show examples

impact on babies if they are controlled thoughtfully.

Thus

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, I think that the latter statement is the best opinion.

May 30, 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay presents both views on the topic, but it could benefit from a clearer and more structured argument. Ensure you stay focused on the points you are presenting for each view and link them more cohesively.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction sets up the discussion but could be more concise. Try to directly state both sides of the argument without unnecessary phrases.

task achievement

It's important to support your points with clear and relevant examples. Specific examples relevant to the real-world application of watching TV, both positively and negatively, would strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Expand on the impact of TV with more comprehensive ideas. For example, delve into the potential educational benefits in more specific terms or explain the mechanisms of how TV might distract children from studying more clearly.

task achievement

When discussing the negative view, try to present a stronger argument with clearer examples and specific details to balance the discussion.

coherence cohesion

Use smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve readability and flow. For example, connect the ideas with linking phrases and more varied sentence structures.

task response

You have done well to address both views on the topic and presented a clear opinion in your conclusion.

task response

Specific recommendations, such as parental supervision, add practical value to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

5.5

Logical structure

5.5

Introduction & conclusion present

5.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

5.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

280 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary behavior
unrealistic perceptions
creative pursuits
social development
emotional development
constructive content
screen time
parental guidance
critical thinking
active learning
age-appropriate
media literacy
family bonding
moderation
perceive

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Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim is has positive effects for children as they grow up. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people state arts courses such painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students .To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recent research has confirmed that human activity has become the greatest threat to plant and animal life Why do you think this has happened? How can we reduce our impact on the natural world?

In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies.

Some people believe that zoos where animals are kept in man-made environment should no longer exist in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree?

Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. To what extent do you agree?