IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Traffic congestion is becoming a huge problem for many major cities. Why is this case? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce traffic in big cities.

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It is undeniable that in the digital age, the rise of
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion is becoming significantly relevant.
However
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, these issues can be taken the step to mitigate these potential problems. Overpopulation is one of the crucial issues that contribute to gridlocks.
In other words
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, the more majority of
people
Use synonyms
 increases, the more transit jams become urgent.
Furthermore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to use their own private vehicles, these transports
then
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 to be driven at the same time and cause rush hour.
Thereafter
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,
this
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 phenomenon can get stuck in
traffic
Use synonyms
, making operators stressed and frustrated. Another factor that causes
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams is the weather. Bad climates can put
people
Use synonyms
 in a hurry and want to return back to their own homes hurriedly.
For example
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, if the weather forecast shows
recently
Change the word
recent
show examples
stormy or rainy conditions, meaning that drivers may become concerned and anxious.
As a result
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, all of the operators want to drive quickly to prevent them from bad situations.
However
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,
this
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 trouble can be tackled by strict punishment. Using some regulations to encourage operators to follow rules directly. Penalties can make
people
Use synonyms
 scared and obey.
For instance
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, there are various types of driving licenses
such
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 as small fees, driver awareness courses and even prison sentences.
Consequently
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, drivers may be more alert to their attitudes and behaviours. Thereby, they
then
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 follow the instructions and avoid causing
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion efficiently. In conclusion, it is true that gridlocks can be caused by many factors,
whereas
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 they can be addressed by government regulation.
Additionally
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,
people
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 should cooperate and follow
traffic
Use synonyms
 rules to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
ease the congestion

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coherence
To improve clarity, rephrase sentences with awkward structure such as 'these transports then to be driven' to 'these vehicles are often driven.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support the main points, such as a detailed example of how severe traffic congestion reduces economic productivity.
coherence
Ensure that the main points are well supported with detailed reasoning and there are clear transitions between points. This will help in creating a smooth flow of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Consider including more diverse solutions alongside strict punishments, such as improving public transportation or implementing carpool lanes.
task achievement
The essay addresses multiple causes of traffic congestion, demonstrating a good range of vocabulary.
coherence
Introduction and conclusion are present and well defined, setting the context and summarizing effectively.
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