Some people believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The tendency
of migrating
from Change preposition
to migrate
countryside
to Add an article
the countryside
urban
in order to settle down Correct article usage
the urban
which
makes the population decline Correct pronoun usage
apply
takes
place in various countries worldwide. From Correct subject-verb agreement
take
this
writer's viewpoint, this
phenomenon is now becoming a repercussion for the whole country
due to
the gap development between rural and urban areas
, leading to some social problems.
It has been widely proven that the country
's average economy is badly affected by the trend of migration. To simplify, when so many people work in cities, the
incomes will be increased dramatically Change the word
their
whereas
the opposite is recognized on
other poor Change preposition
in
areas
. This
consequence,
will result in, the
facilities and infrastructure in undeveloped countryside Remove the comma
apply
areas
becoming outdated in the modern world. According to
a recent report in 2016 by leading Russian experts, 60% of those from rural areas
moved to the Moscow capital to find a work
, making a lot of wasteland surrounding the boundary Remove the article
work
a job
areas
.
Another factor making this
trend worse is the consequence of problems in community
, Add an article
the community
often
happens in Correct pronoun usage
which often
the
noisy places Correct article usage
apply
such
as the central area in cities. This
is because the
overpopulation Correct article usage
apply
leading
to the Wrong verb form
leads
under
control of illegal Correct word choice
apply
activites
, Correct your spelling
activities
activity
the
number of crimes Correct word choice
and the
also
are
Verb problem
apply
also
climbing over time, at
a result, the cities will be more dangerous Change preposition
as
for living
Change preposition
to live
.
Change preposition
in.
Moreover
, because of the complex routes and lot of vehicles articulating with the overpopulation, it will cause critical traffic jams which delay transporting activites
. Correct your spelling
activities
Taking
Ho Chi Minh Wrong verb form
Take
city
, a typical example, where there are over 30% of problems Capitalize word
City
about
traffic jams, most of them in the central Change preposition
with
areas
.
Taking all points into account, this
trend will lead to a negative impact on the whole country
due to
overpopulation and unstable development. Hence
, it is encouraged that the population in country
should be balanced.Add an article
the country
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
Your essay lacks a clear stance on the primary issue, focusing instead on a related topic about migration's impact on rural areas. Stay focused on the given topic and discuss both views on whether education funds should be spent on computers or teachers. Provide relevant and specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clearly presented and comprehensive. The ideas in your essay tend to drift off-topic, making it difficult to see a comprehensive view of the argument. Stick closely to the task and develop your ideas in a structured manner.
task achievement
Keep your argument relevant to the task. Including relevant examples specifically related to education funding for computers vs. teachers will strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but it can be more cohesive. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words effectively to tie your ideas together.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and do summarize the points made. Make sure they directly address the given topic. Ensure the conclusion ties back to both views discussed and states a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more specific evidence and examples relevant to the discussion on educational funding. This will make the essay more compelling and cohesive.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a structured essay with an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points you raised were clear and understandable. This is important for logical flow and coherence.
task achievement
You used a specific example (like the migration trends in Moscow) which shows you are trying to provide evidence and context to your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.