Some people believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The tendency
of migrating
Change preposition
to migrate
show examples
from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
to
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
show examples
in order to settle down
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes the population decline
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
show examples
place in various countries worldwide. From
this
writer's viewpoint,
this
phenomenon is now becoming a repercussion for the whole
country
due to
the gap development between rural and urban
areas
, leading to some social problems. It has been widely proven that the
country
's average economy is badly affected by the trend of migration. To simplify, when so many people work in cities,
the
Change the word
their
show examples
incomes will be increased dramatically
whereas
the opposite is recognized
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
other poor
areas
.
This
consequence
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
will result in, the facilities and infrastructure in undeveloped countryside
areas
becoming outdated in the modern world.
According to
a recent report in 2016 by leading Russian experts, 60% of those from rural
areas
moved to the Moscow capital to find
a work
Remove the article
work
a job
show examples
, making a lot of wasteland surrounding the boundary
areas
. Another factor making
this
trend worse is the consequence of problems in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
,
often
Correct pronoun usage
which often
show examples
happens in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
noisy places
such
as the central area in cities.
This
is because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overpopulation
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
to the
under
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
control of illegal
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
number of crimes
also
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
climbing over time,
at
Change preposition
as
show examples
a result, the cities will be more dangerous
for living
Change preposition
to live
show examples
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Moreover
, because of the complex routes and lot of vehicles articulating with the overpopulation, it will cause critical traffic jams which delay transporting
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
show examples
Ho Chi Minh
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
, a typical example, where there are over 30% of problems
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
traffic jams, most of them in the central
areas
. Taking all points into account,
this
trend will lead to a negative impact on the whole
country
due to
overpopulation and unstable development.
Hence
, it is encouraged that the population in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
should be balanced.
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task achievement
Your essay lacks a clear stance on the primary issue, focusing instead on a related topic about migration's impact on rural areas. Stay focused on the given topic and discuss both views on whether education funds should be spent on computers or teachers. Provide relevant and specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clearly presented and comprehensive. The ideas in your essay tend to drift off-topic, making it difficult to see a comprehensive view of the argument. Stick closely to the task and develop your ideas in a structured manner.
task achievement
Keep your argument relevant to the task. Including relevant examples specifically related to education funding for computers vs. teachers will strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but it can be more cohesive. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words effectively to tie your ideas together.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and do summarize the points made. Make sure they directly address the given topic. Ensure the conclusion ties back to both views discussed and states a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more specific evidence and examples relevant to the discussion on educational funding. This will make the essay more compelling and cohesive.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a structured essay with an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points you raised were clear and understandable. This is important for logical flow and coherence.
task achievement
You used a specific example (like the migration trends in Moscow) which shows you are trying to provide evidence and context to your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interactive learning
  • tailored education
  • adaptive learning programs
  • distance learning
  • qualified teachers
  • immediate feedback
  • teaching methods
  • learning styles
  • social skills
  • balanced investment
  • modernize education
  • educational needs
  • emotional intelligence
What to do next:
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