Traditional medicine, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies, is very popular in some countries. Those who practice traditional medicine claim it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. Do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?
In my country, Indonesia, traditional
medicine
raised
its popularity. It was started Wrong verb form
has risen
on
Change preposition
in
pandemic
era, alongside Add an article
the pandemic
a pandemic
with
other Eastern Asian countries which even have traditional Change preposition
apply
medicine
as a major option in universities. Herbal medicine
practicioners
even often Correct your spelling
practitioners
claims
natural ways Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
for
healing are better than using modern Change preposition
of
medicine
. I have
once recovered from Asthma by drinking bitter Unnecessary verb
apply
roots
extract after spending five years on intensive Fix the agreement mistake
root
treatment
from
Change preposition
at
local
hospital.
I Add an article
a local
the local
remembered
collapsing at school because I felt so out of breath and dizzy. I was Wrong verb form
remember
then
brought to my regular doctor to be treated as I usually do every month. I got injected by
something Change preposition
with
then
feeling
all better Wrong verb form
felt
few
hours later. I never knew how the drug administered before would chemically Change the article
a few
interacting
with my body so that it could stop the symptoms, what I knew was that I was Wrong verb form
interact
depended
on that Replace the word
dependent
treatment
. I also
gained so much weight since taking the treatment
. So that
, my parents started to other alternative Correct determiner usage
apply
treatment
.
I got introduced to Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
a
Remove the article
apply
chinese
Change the capitalization
Chinese
medicine
and tried my fortune. Just like modern medicine
, I got prescription
but Correct article usage
a prescription
this
time it was like a recipe of herbs and roots that will
get extracted. The "doctor" explained to me how each of those herbs and roots would chemically help me, compared to Wrong verb form
would
general
Add an article
the general
a general
drug
which Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
is
Verb problem
are highly
highly-processed
, Correct your spelling
processed
may
have unnatural interactions with my body Correct word choice
and may
then
would bring side effects in the future.
Correct word choice
and then
Although
modern medicine
comes from decades of study with the help of advanced technology, at certain point
it may against the natural way which the body can not accept, Fix the agreement mistake
points
that is
why many people having
complications from years of modern Wrong verb form
have
treatment
. In contrast
, herbal and traditional medicine
works along with
the
nature.Correct article usage
apply
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introduction conclusion
Try to refine your introduction. Provide a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses whether you agree or disagree with the viewpoint.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical order. This will improve the overall structure and coherence.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity. This will help ensure your ideas are communicated more effectively. For instance, rephrase sentences to avoid confusion and improve flow.
introduction conclusion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing your main points and restating your position clearly. This helps in providing a sense of closure.
relevant specific examples
Your essay includes relevant and specific personal examples, which make your argument more convincing.
supported main points
You have attempted to compare traditional and modern medicine, offering a balanced perspective. This demonstrates a thoughtful approach to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.