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Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
The advancement of time and technology requires
for
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apply
show examples
students
 can study to develop themselves, especially the
university
students
. When
students
 enter
in
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university
, of
course
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course,
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 they
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 one major with one compulsory
subject
 and materials related to their discipline. Some
students
 consider focusing on their main
subject
 in order to get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
maximum
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
while
 getting a qualification for their field.
However
, other
students
 may have confidence that one of the ways to be able
compete
Add the particle
to compete
show examples
 with other job candidates is by learning topics
in addition
 to their gist material. I want to discuss both sides of the argument. The Ministry of Education in the Republic of Indonesia, Nadiem Makarim said that in the future, a job opportunity would not be opened solely to match the candidate’s background of study
,
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apply
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 but to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 their interests,
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
, experience, and knowledge.
On the other hand
, every
student
 has different interests and talents.
Consequently
, other subjects can give opportunity to each
student
 to develop their
out of the box
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out-of-the-box
show examples
 ideas, based on their ability. In fact,
much
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many students
show examples
student
 after
finish in
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finishing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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university
and
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apply
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than
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apply
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work
Verb problem
do
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 not
releate
Correct your spelling
relate
release
related
with
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to
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 their major so shows
that
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apply
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how is very important for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn various dicipline. If
student
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students
show examples
 have
understanding
Correct article usage
an understanding
show examples
 and provision of knowledge of
course
 will
became
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become
show examples
 good
consideration
Fix the agreement mistake
considerations
show examples
 for the company. Hopefully, later the
student
 can survive and can get a job easily.
On the other hand
,
student
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students
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 focus
to
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on
show examples
main
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the main
show examples
course
 actually
what
Correct your spelling
want
show examples
 the
subject
 that they choose have
releate
Correct your spelling
relevant
 and to be able follow
material
Add an article
the material
show examples
 in
university
.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
show examples
 the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who have
dream
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dreams
show examples
 become lecturer of
course
 they not interested
learning
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in learning
show examples
other
Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
show examples
subject
 because they
assumes
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assume
show examples
can
Correct word choice
that can
show examples
 waste time and can get
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
 target for a qualification. Summing up, the
student
 can focus priority to
main
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the main
show examples
course
 when feel better in the future
for example
became
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
lecturer
Correct article usage
a lecturer
show examples
 or researcher.
Likewise
for
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apply
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 explore and expand
the
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their
show examples
 knowledge so can take other
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 but still not
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
gist
Correct article usage
the gist
show examples
course
.
Submitted by writingbersama on

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task response
Ensure to provide a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction to outline the main points of discussion.
task response
Use more concrete and specific examples to support your arguments, which will help to make your points clearer and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity. Try using varied sentence structures for better readability.
coherence and cohesion
Transition sentences between paragraphs could be improved to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task response
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential for this task.
coherence and cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear structure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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