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Band 4.5

Advances in science and technology and other areas of society in the last 100 years have transformed the way we live as postponing the day we die. There is no better time to be alive than now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#advances #science #technology #areas #society #years #time
It
is often say
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is often said
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 that
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
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 in science, technology and society
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apply
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in
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apply
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over a decade
have
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has
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 brought us a different life that could expand our living quality, so
that is
 the reason why we are living the life
that is
 worth the most. From my point of view, I
am partly agree
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partly agree
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 with
this
 opinion and I will discuss
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
over
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apply
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the past decade
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 shown that human civilization has been growing gradually to new levels.
For instance
, a technological innovation went from a big machine
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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called the computer, which was equalled the size of a house, to a small machine called
laptop
Add an article
a laptop
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, which
has
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is
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 the size of a book, what we are using nowadays, the smaller size it gets, the more convenient usage for us, so we can bring it and do the work everywhere we feel comfortable.
Moreover
, medical advancements
such
 as vaccinations, antibiotics,
medical
Correct word choice
and medical
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 imaging,
which
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apply
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have been increasing our well-being and helping us to cure
the
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apply
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diseases that our ancestors had never thought of.
Therefore
, we can observe that the
world
 is remodelling positively and we are having the best time to live in.
On the other hand
, the opponents argue that the
civilize
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civilised
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 transformation occurred
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to many degradation problems.
Those
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 can be noted that the
evironment
Correct your spelling
environment
 has
been
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apply
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degraded remarkably,
for instance
, we have been suffering
with
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from
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the
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apply
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hazardous heat which has been increasing
approximately
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by approximately
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 one
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
 degree every year for over 10 years. At the same time, rapid technological growth
also
 challenges the
world
 with cybersecurity, privacy concerns and job automation. To recapitulate,in my opinion, we should not only
Verb problem
apply
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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be happy in
this
 modern
world
 but
also
 we should involve our skills,
therefore
, we can adapt to the modern
world
 and focus on solving the problems that may
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occur
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occurs
Change the verb form
occur
show examples
.
Submitted by beautytear13 on

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grammar
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical and vocabulary errors. This will help in making your argument more compelling and clear.
coherence
Consider structuring your introduction more clearly to explicitly state your stance (e.g., 'I partly agree because...').
task achievement
Expand on the examples you use to better illustrate your points. You mentioned the laptop but didn't fully explain how it impacts quality of life. Similarly, you could deepen the discussion of medical advancements.
coherence
Add a stronger conclusion that summarizes your key points and clearly restates your perspective.
task achievement
You effectively acknowledge both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view and sophistication in your writing.
coherence
Your introduction and conclusion are present, providing a complete structure to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Life expectancy
  • Medical advancements
  • Innovations
  • Quality of life
  • Transportation
  • Agricultural developments
  • Food security
  • Educational reforms
  • Cybersecurity
  • Privacy concerns
  • Automation
  • Environmental concerns
  • Climate change
  • International cooperation
  • Developed and developing countries
What to do next:
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