IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

#people #difficulties #lack
In
this
 contemporary era, a lot of individuals around the world suffer from insomnia.
This
 essay discusses
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
ill-
Correct your spelling
ill effects
show examples
effects
 of
this
 situation and
also
 provides solutions that can help one with getting a good sleep at night. To commence with, the harmful
effects
 of not getting a sound sleep are manifold.
Firstly
,
people
 have to suffer from various mental issues. Anxiety and depression are the most common among them.
For example
, a recent Sunday Times newspaper showed that 50% of
people
 suffering from insomnia seek help from
psychotherapist
Fix the agreement mistake
psychotherapists
show examples
 for anxiousness and suicidal tendencies.
Secondly
, these individuals
also
 experience numerous physical ailments like heart stroke, diabetes and obesity. These diseases have deleterious
effects
 on their
overall
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
However
, there are multiple remedies that
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 beneficial and can help overcome
this
 ailment.
First,
people
 should make a habit of
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 meditation and yoga on a regular basis. These exercises help one relieve stress and
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 in getting a sound sleep.
Second,
people
 should avoid using mobile phones 2 hours before bedtime.
Smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
Smartphones
show examples
 release blue light, which derails one’s sleep cycle.
Third,
one should avoid consuming food and beverages containing caffeine as it has detrimental
effects
 on sleep. In conclusion, in
this
 modern world, staying awake
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 night has become very common and
this
 trend has detrimental
effects
 on the physical and mental wellbeing of individuals.
However
, implementation of possible solutions can help overcome
this
 issue.
Submitted by niravfb1987 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Consider adding more specific and diverse examples to strengthen the argument. Specific case studies, statistics, or personal experiences could be helpful.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your ideas are clear, ensure each paragraph has a single clear main idea that is expanded upon in depth. This will improve clarity and comprehension.
task achievement
Try exploring a wider range of solutions or explaining existing solutions in more depth to fully address the prompt.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and the structure of the essay.
logical structure
You have maintained a logical flow of ideas, making it easy to follow your argument.
complete response
The essay successfully addresses the task by discussing both problems and possible solutions related to lack of sleep.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: