Scientists agree that people are harming their health by eating too much fat food. Some people think that the solution to this problem is to make people aware of the problems. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
While
nutrition nutrition experts have peer reviewed
research verifying that a fatty diet erodes population health, there is Add a hyphen
peer-reviewed
not
consensus around the notion that a public Correct your spelling
no
education
campaign would be the most viable option. Proponents of nutritional education
believe teaching a popluation
addicted to fat will result in Correct your spelling
population
heightedned
awareness of Correct your spelling
heightened
risks
of eating unhealthy fats and provide healthier alternatives. Those opposed to educational campaigns assert that Correct article usage
the risks
education
is not enough because people from all walks of life, across cultures, benefit from a nurochemical
response in the cerebral cortex when eating delicious foods. Correct your spelling
neurochemical
Instead
, they posit, regulation
and public Correct word choice
that regulation
policy
are the answer. Herein the opposing positions shall be reviewed.
On one side of the debate are Educational boosters who argue that an informed populace will simply naturally act in their best interests. One example of numerous similarly
successful campaigns comes from the 1980's and 1990's. In those campaigns to improve seatbelt use deaths and serious injuries were reduced significantly. Therefore
, its
argued, a robust and sustained program to teach citizens Correct pronoun usage
it
of
the risks of unhealthy eating, when Change preposition
apply
coupled with
training aimed at more positive behavior
, is the ideal solution Change the spelling
behaviour
according to
those who advocate the educational approach.
On the opposite side of the fray are the pragamatic
who argue that Correct your spelling
pragmatic
pragmatist
education
will not change unhealthy behavior
when humans are rewarded with the powerful Change the spelling
behaviour
nurochemical
Correct your spelling
neurochemical
neurochemicals
dopomine
. These pragmatists rightly suggest that Correct your spelling
dopamine
tobaco
, alcohol, and drugs--among other Correct your spelling
tobacco
dopomine boosting
Add a hyphen
dopomine-boosting
precursers
--are examples of how Correct your spelling
precursors
education
has done little to thwart public health problems. They suggest that public policy
has had a greater impact on both the reduction of addictive substances and public safety measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
such
as seat belt utilization.
All things considered, both sides are correct. As a matter of public policy
governments must educate the populace. This
is essential to building public support. Furthermore
, teaching people healthy nutritional habits will assure
early adopters rally behind initiatives and bolster support. Verb problem
ensure
Nevertheless
, public policy
must force better labeling
, require a higher percentage of lower fat Change the spelling
labelling
sustainance
in various domains, and limit some of the most harmful types of fats. Similar leadership would Correct your spelling
sustenance
also
be beneficial from
other business and civic leaders.
In conclusion, there is Change preposition
to
not any
debate that fat harms Rephrase
no
overall
human health, however
opposing views have presented diachotomous
Correct your spelling
dichotomous
arguements
portraying Correct your spelling
arguments
education
and public policy
as binaries. In my view harmonizing both viewpoints is wise. Leaders in government and beyond have a role to play in education
and also
making choices on behalf of a population whose willpower is easily overcome by weak mindedness
. Now is the time to come Add a hyphen
weak-mindedness
together with
a comprehensive education
and policy
scheme to turn the tide of nutritional shortcomings and their consequences.Submitted by tefljeremy on
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task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, offering a balanced discussion of both views and presenting a clear opinion. To achieve a higher score, make sure to eliminate repetition, like 'nutrition nutrition' in the introduction, and ensure all sections are clearly organized.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure with well-organized paragraphs, and your ideas are generally cohesive. However, pay attention to spelling mistakes (e.g., 'popluation', 'nurochemical', 'dopomine', 'tobaco', 'diachotomous', 'fray' instead of 'fray'). Correcting these errors will improve your clarity and coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all points made are well-supported. Examples provided, like the seatbelt campaign, are relevant but could be expanded upon to further solidify your argument. This will strengthen the support for your main points. Additionally, keeping your vocabulary varied and precise can make your argument more compelling overusing 'dopamine' repeatedly.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, setting up the discussion effectively and summarizing your argument well.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument thoroughly and provided a clear, well-reasoned opinion.
task achievement
Bringing in real-world examples, like the seatbelt campaign, helps to ground your arguments and makes them more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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