IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

People's shopping habits depend on the age group they belong to than any other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #habits #age #group #factors
Individuals
 in different age stages may have various appetites for shopping.
Although
 age may impose some influences on
people
's shopping decisions, I do not consider it
is
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 the
dominate
Replace the word
dominant
show examples
 factor. To commence, the first reason
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why consumers with distinct ages tend to form different spending habits is mainly because they were born in different life backgrounds.
For example
, dwellers born
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays are prone to get in touch with electronic devices
such
 as cell phones, which
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 unattractive to
people
 born in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 decades. Meanwhile, those equipment are indispensable for young citizen's normal life, because a vast majority of work
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 using those devices to enhance productivity.
By contrast
, some facilities are too complex to employ in daily life or
workface
Correct your spelling
work
 for elderly
individuals
, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they barely use, not
along
Correct your spelling
alone
show examples
 buy them.
Conversely
, I hold the view that there are still plenty of factors considered by
people
 when consuming products.
First,
the income of dwellers plays a more significant role
to determine
Change preposition
in determining
show examples
individuals
 purchasing actions.
Cost
Correct article usage
The cost
show examples
 of products poses an important impact on shopping habits because it may
affact
Correct your spelling
affect
people
's standard of living.
For example
, if consumers with low
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 buy some luxury items by loaning,
otherwise
 they fail to afford them, it will arouse
deficit
Correct article usage
a deficit
show examples
 in their disposable income, resulting
Change preposition
in buget
show examples
buget
Correct your spelling
budget
constrains
Correct your spelling
constraints
show examples
 in other
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
.
However
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 problems
Add a missing verb
are seldomly
show examples
seldomly
Correct your spelling
seldom
 considered by rich
people
.
Furthermore
, the gender is another main factor.
Male
Fix the agreement mistake
Males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 naturally have different preferences in products' colour, shapes, functions and so on.
Consenquently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, it is highly likely that a part of goods sold well in one specific gender but see a different trend in another. In conclusion, it is undeniable that age is crucial to
people
's purchasing preferences, but the total income and gender of
individuals
affact
Correct your spelling
affect
affects
 their decisions in a deeper way.
Submitted by 1356388645 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your examples. For example, the part about young citizens needing electronic devices could be more concise and clearly linked to your argument.
task response
Reduce minor inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. Simple grammatical errors and awkward expressions can reduce the fluency of your essay. For example, 'dwellers born in nowadays' could be simplified to 'people born today' or 'today's generation'.
task response
Provide more relevant and specific examples. The examples should be directly tied to your main points. For instance, citing specific gadgets or instances where older people find technology challenging would strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay features a distinct introduction and conclusion, providing a clear structure overall.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt effectively by examining both sides of the argument and building a case for your stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption patterns
  • digital natives
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar stores
  • target demographic
  • disposable income
  • consumer behavior
  • market segmentation
  • purchasing power
  • retail therapy
  • brand loyalty
  • impulse buying
  • price-sensitive
  • cross-generational
What to do next:
Look at other essays: