IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People's shopping habits depend on the age group they belong to than any other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Individuals
Use synonyms
 in different age stages may have various appetites for shopping.
Although
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 age may impose some influences on
people
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's shopping decisions, I do not consider it
is
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to be
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 the
dominate
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dominant
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 factor. To commence, the first reason
for
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apply
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why consumers with distinct ages tend to form different spending habits is mainly because they were born in different life backgrounds.
For example
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, dwellers born
in
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apply
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nowadays are prone to get in touch with electronic devices
such
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 as cell phones, which
maybe
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may be
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 unattractive to
people
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 born in
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last
Correct article usage
the last
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 decades. Meanwhile, those equipment are indispensable for young citizen's normal life, because a vast majority of work
need
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needs
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 using those devices to enhance productivity.
By contrast
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, some facilities are too complex to employ in daily life or
workface
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work
 for elderly
individuals
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, so
that
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apply
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they barely use, not
along
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alone
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 buy them.
Conversely
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, I hold the view that there are still plenty of factors considered by
people
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 when consuming products.
First,
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the income of dwellers plays a more significant role
to determine
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in determining
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individuals
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 purchasing actions.
Cost
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The cost
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 of products poses an important impact on shopping habits because it may
affact
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affect
people
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's standard of living.
For example
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, if consumers with low
salary
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salaries
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 buy some luxury items by loaning,
otherwise
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 they fail to afford them, it will arouse
deficit
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a deficit
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 in their disposable income, resulting
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in buget
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buget
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budget
constrains
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constraints
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 in other
expenditure
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expenditures
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.
However
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,
that
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those
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 problems
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are seldomly
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seldomly
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seldom
 considered by rich
people
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.
Furthermore
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, the gender is another main factor.
Male
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Males
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 and
female
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females
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 naturally have different preferences in products' colour, shapes, functions and so on.
Consenquently
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Consequently
, it is highly likely that a part of goods sold well in one specific gender but see a different trend in another. In conclusion, it is undeniable that age is crucial to
people
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's purchasing preferences, but the total income and gender of
individuals
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affact
Correct your spelling
affect
affects
 their decisions in a deeper way.

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What works well

2
coherence and cohesion

Your essay features a distinct introduction and conclusion, providing a clear structure overall.

task response

The essay addresses the prompt effectively by examining both sides of the argument and building a case for your stance.

Improvement Suggestions

3
coherence and cohesion

Improve the clarity of your examples. For example, the part about young citizens needing electronic devices could be more concise and clearly linked to your argument.

task response

Reduce minor inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. Simple grammatical errors and awkward expressions can reduce the fluency of your essay. For example, 'dwellers born in nowadays' could be simplified to 'people born today' or 'today's generation'.

task response

Provide more relevant and specific examples. The examples should be directly tied to your main points. For instance, citing specific gadgets or instances where older people find technology challenging would strengthen your arguments.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption patterns
  • digital natives
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar stores
  • target demographic
  • disposable income
  • consumer behavior
  • market segmentation
  • purchasing power
  • retail therapy
  • brand loyalty
  • impulse buying
  • price-sensitive
  • cross-generational
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