A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose?
The establishment is deciding to spend money
between
arts or to preserve Change preposition
on
Correct article usage
the envieonment
envieonment
.In my Correct your spelling
environment
opinion
the money should be given Add a comma
opinion,
for
the environment over the Change preposition
to
arts
project Change the noun form
art
since
the huge decline of our environment these days . Investing in environmental protection ensures long-term Change preposition
because of
benifits
for us and our future generations, including fresh air and clean drinking water .
Correct your spelling
benefits
Futhermore i
would like to add Correct your spelling
Furthermore I
few
Correct article usage
a few
statement
on why we should preserve our environment. Change to a plural noun
statements
Firstly
i
would like to point out how bad our weather is . We can barely see the sky and all we Change the capitalization
I
breath
is dust. Replace the word
breathe
Its
affecting our kids and elderly citizens. Replace the word
It's
It is
Moreover
people who reside near the slums who Add a comma
Moreover,
deny
Wrong verb form
denied
the
access to basic Correct article usage
apply
anemities
and medical care would suffer more. Correct your spelling
amenities
For
instance
we Add a comma
instance,
also
need to protect the wildlife as we humans already took away majority
of their area for our own selfish Add an article
the majority
desirers
leaving them to starve or to leave their homes to find food. We as a community should stop cutting down trees and start protecting them.
In Correct your spelling
desires
conclusion
I personally think that the Company should donate to Add a comma
conclusion,
the
environmental Correct article usage
apply
cause
for the betterment of us,our future Fix the agreement mistake
causes
genarations
and animals.Correct your spelling
generations
Submitted by prakasharjun1998 on
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grammar
Try to proofread for minor grammatical errors such as 'benifits' instead of 'benefits', 'anemities' instead of 'amenities', and 'genarations' instead of 'generations'.
cohesion
Enhance coherence by linking your ideas more cohesively. Use transitional phrases to better connect your points, ensuring your essay flows smoothly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and effectively argues why the money should be given to protect the environment.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are effectively crafted, making your position clear from the start and summarising it well at the end.
idea
Topics are relevant and well-chosen. The focus on environmental issues like air quality and wildlife preservation are points many can resonate with.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite