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Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Nowadays, the number of people who live in cities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing
due to
existing
Replace the word
the existence
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 of welfare services and entertainment facilities. In the majority of countries around the world, people are emigrating from village to city.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 It seems to me that it can be a negative development, In
this
 essay I will explore the aspects and give my opinion. To embark on, one of the negative aspects is that moving individuals from rural to
city
Add an article
the city
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 is derived from(derives) industrial revolution, which means the foundation of more factories and big companies needs more labourer, which causes young workforce
become
Add the particle
to become
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 lower in the rurales.
Subsequently
, by the following decades, the amount of crops will have been low and even rare,
also
 , it can
influences
Change the verb form
influence
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 the amount of
producing
Verb problem
apply
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dairy products
due to
decreasing
Replace the word
the decrease
show examples
 of young people in the villages. Another drawback is that
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 of towns is going up rapidly which
this
 action brings harmful problems,
such
 as increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unemployment,
slum
Fix the agreement mistake
slums
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 and needy persons.
In other words
, managing cities has become more difficult
due to
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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populating
Replace the word
population
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 of towns.
Accordingly
, the number of
rurales
Correct your spelling
rural
 inhabitants are falling and the villages will have been removed gradually,
also
 worth cultures will have been removed
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 following years. All in all, as can be seen from the points in
this
 essay, moving from rural to the cities not only is
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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harmful, but
also
 it is demanding. In my opinion, the governments and barons must make an effort to control these problems, answerable persons should take care
and
Change preposition
of and
show examples
 give some facilities and scoring to the village inhabitants in order to
satisfy
Correct pronoun usage
satisfy them
show examples
.
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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your opinion and what the essay will cover.
task response
Use specific examples to support your points. This adds more depth and relatability to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and avoiding overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows logically to the next. Using transition words can help to achieve this.
task response
The writer addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion on whether the migration from rural areas to cities is a positive or negative development.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is clear with distinct paragraphs for each main point, making it easy for the reader to follow.
task response
The essay attempts to explain the consequences of rural depopulation and urban crowding, which are relevant ideas to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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