Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is useful only for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is commonly argued that watching
television
brings the
merit for educational aspects, Correct article usage
apply
while
many people believe that there is only one
benefit in terms of beneficial entertainment
. This
issue offers both advantages and disadvantages, which will be examined in the following paragraphs before the conclusion is reached.
First and formost
, it is undeniable that utilizing technological Correct your spelling
foremost
for most
television
is prevalent for entertainment
benefit
. Many citizens in the world watch it for their Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
stressed mitigating
because of their Replace the word
stress mitigation
hard-working
or studying determination, which is Correct word choice
hard
one
of approaches
to be more relief. Add an article
the approaches
For instance
, people who has
Change the verb form
have
a
depression Correct article usage
apply
symptom
, facing Fix the agreement mistake
symptoms
the
depressed mental health, can be enjoyable or get better feelings Correct article usage
apply
throughout
watching variety shows Change preposition
through
such
as some of reality and talent shows.
On the other hand
, the one
of merits side is that watching television
can be supported
Wrong verb form
support
the
educational learning. It is true to say that nowadays children and elderly people can stimulate learning various subjects by watching Correct article usage
apply
television
such
as the
societal Correct article usage
apply
documentary
, which enhances Fix the agreement mistake
documentaries
about
historical knowledge and backgrounds. Change preposition
apply
And
Correct word choice
One
one
more clear example is that watching cartoon
can be acknowledged among teenagers, resulting Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
to
Change preposition
in to
improve
Replace the word
improved
an
English skills of audiences, Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
such
as Peppa Pig. This
could be obtain
both Wrong verb form
obtaining
entertainment
and knowledge at the same time.
In conclusion, this
statement has both benefit facets for audiences, which the usages for entertainment
and education can be linked to together such
as concurrent watching cartoon like Peppa Pig, that can cause not only for entertainment
but also
educationcal
enhancement. Correct your spelling
educational
However
, in my perspective, it depends on the purpose of Correct article usage
the audiences
audiences
.Fix the agreement mistake
audience
Submitted by arunrak.wk on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction lays out the topic well and mentions that you will discuss both sides. However, avoid generic phrases like 'This issue offers both advantages and disadvantages' and directly state your plan. For example, 'This essay will discuss both the educational and entertainment merits of television.'
task achievement
Your conclusion ties in nicely with the essay but could be stronger. You mentioned that the benefits for both education and entertainment can be linked together through cartoons like Peppa Pig. Instead of saying 'it depends on the purpose of audiences,' summarize the main points more robustly.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. Phrases like 'the merit for educational aspects' or 'can be acknowledged among teenagers' are somewhat awkward. Focus on clarity and simplicity in your language to make your points more effectively.
task achievement
You provide specific examples like reality shows for entertainment and Peppa Pig for educational purposes, which vividly illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for both views, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?