IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people are happy to stay in the same area for their whole life, while others prefer living in many different places. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #area #life #places
It is true that the place we live in plays a huge part in our lifestyle and personal experience. Despite the fact that a substantial number of
people
 are satisfied with living their whole lives in the same area, I am geared towards living in different towns. On the one hand, some
people
 believe that living in the same town throughout one's whole life comes with the convenience of staying close to childhood friends, family and entities.
This
 is because their friends, neighbours and local places of interest
such
 as takeaways and restaurants will remain unchanged. They will
therefore
 know their city inside out.
For example
, many of my colleagues are locals who are aware of every corner of the city and know exactly where to go for shopping, leisure and work.
However
, newcomers would have to spend time exploring and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 mistakes before finding out which supermarket is most suitable for them.
On the other hand
, I would argue that moving homes allows us to encounter cultural differences and allows a fresh start to life,
thus
 opening up new opportunities. Some of the reasons for
this
 are that it gives the chance to meet new
people
, be introduced to new ways of living and allow
people
 to be more broad-minded.
For instance
, I moved from a small village in northern Sri Lanka to London at the age of seven,
hence
 gaining experience of how lifestyle can be very different for citizens across the world including housing conditions, water quality, education system and healthcare facilities.
Moreover
, living in two separate places gave me the added benefit of feeling a personal connection with both places. In conclusion,
although
 residing in the same place comes with the advantage of living in your comfort zone, I believe the benefit of indulging in different lifestyles gives the freedom to live a more adventurous life.
Submitted by Mangalakumaran.sangeetha on

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task achievement
Consider including additional examples to further substantiate each point. This will make the arguments more compelling and clear.
coherence cohesion
Work on making transitions between points even smoother to enhance flow. Use more transitional words and phrases to ensure clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and engaging introduction and conclusion which succinctly summarize the main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is strong; points are well-organized and easy to follow.
task achievement
Most ideas are clearly presented and comprehensively developed.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant, specific examples to support the main points, making the argument more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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