IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies.Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Good health is perceived by some as a primary human necessity, which leads to the argument that medical
services
Use synonyms
 should not be operated by profit-oriented companies.
However
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, I am convinced that private
healthcare
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, despite being associated with certain drawbacks, brings about more significant benefits for people. It is true that privatizing the medical sector comes with certain disadvantages, with accessibility being a chief concern. Private
healthcare
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 entities often operate with a strong profit motive, necessitating substantial investments in cutting-edge medical equipment, hiring top-tier medical professionals, and conducting extensive marketing campaigns to stay competitive.
While
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 these investments are aimed at delivering high-quality
services
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, they can inadvertently make these
services
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 inaccessible to a significant portion of the population. A stark example of
this
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 issue can be observed in the United States, where the predominantly private
healthcare
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 system has led to exorbitant costs,
such
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 as an average ambulance ride without insurance costing around $1300, rendering it unaffordable for many low-income families.
Nevertheless
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, I firmly believe that the advantages of private
healthcare
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 are more pronounced. Private
hospitals
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 play a crucial role in alleviating the strain on state-owned
healthcare
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 facilities during periods of high demand.
For instance
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, during the 2019 COVID-19 pandemic in Vietnam, private
hospitals
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 played a pivotal role in helping state-run facilities cope with the surging number of patients.
Furthermore
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, competition among privately owned
healthcare
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 institutions can act as a catalyst for improvement in state-run
hospitals
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. The desire to retain their customer base and market position motivates state
hospitals
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 to enhance their medical
services
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 and technology, ultimately resulting in higher-quality care for patients.
This
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 can translate into shorter waiting times for examinations and surgeries,
as well as
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 improved access to modern
healthcare
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 amenities. In conclusion,
while
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 private
healthcare
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 has its downsides, notably high costs, I contend that its merits, including reducing pressure on state-owned
healthcare
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 institutions and driving improvements in their
services
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, carry more weight in the
overall
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 assessment of its impact.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, consider enhancing coherence by using more transitional words or phrases to smoothly connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Some points, such as the impact on healthcare quality, could be expanded with more specific examples for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear and organized introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The response thoroughly addresses the essay prompt and offers a balanced evaluation of the topic.
task achievement
The use of a relevant example about the US healthcare system and the COVID-19 pandemic in Vietnam helps illustrate the points effectively.
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