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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows unemployment levels in Ireland and the number of people leaving the country between 1988 and 2008.

The graph below shows unemployment levels in Ireland and the number of people leaving the country between 1988 and 2008.
#unemployment #levels #ireland #people #country
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The given diagram illustrates the
unemployment
Use synonyms
 level in percentage and the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 leaving the country in Ireland between 1988 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that both
Use synonyms
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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rate
Use synonyms
 and migration figures in the first decade
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced
relatively
Correct article usage
a relatively
show examples
 high ratio,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of both statistics underwent a
dramatically dropped
Replace the word
dramatic drop
show examples
 in the next ten years.
However
Linking Words
, it is
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 to note that there were
interchangable
Correct your spelling
interchangeable
 trends
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both aspects throughout the following time period.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Change preposition
from
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
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 1988 to 2000,
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apply
show examples
in
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apply
show examples
1988 at around 17% was the highest
unemployment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 among the other years, whilst
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of Irish
people
Use synonyms
 moving out was 70,000
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in 1990.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of Irish
people
Use synonyms
left
Wrong verb form
leaving
show examples
 their country reached its peak in 1990
while
Linking Words
 the
rate
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 of jobless
people
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 declined
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 4%. Meanwhile, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 moving out
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 to fall, the
unemployment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 dramatically increased once again
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 almost 16% before gradually dropping to 6%. In regards
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
, between 2000 and 2008,
although
Linking Words
 it is obvious to inspect that the
number
Use synonyms
 of unemployed is fewer than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 previous period, the
number
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 of Irish citizens who
migrating
Wrong verb form
migrated
show examples
 out of the nation constantly
rising
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 from around 30,000
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 before
skyrocket
Change the verb form
skyrocketing
show examples
 to 40,000
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in 2008.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, number, people, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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