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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #workers #country #b #information #features #comparisons
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The data illustrates the distribution of male and female
workers
Use synonyms
 categorised by three different sectors: Services,
Agriculture
Use synonyms
 and
Industry
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A and
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, most males and
females
Use synonyms
 in
both
Use synonyms
 countries
work
Use synonyms
 in Services. For
country
Use synonyms
 A, the second most occupied business sector for
both
Use synonyms
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 is
Agriculture
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 an insignificant minority of
workers
Use synonyms
 from
both
Use synonyms
 genders
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 in
Agriculture
Use synonyms
 observed in
B
Use synonyms
. In
country
Use synonyms
 A,
Service
Correct article usage
the Service
show examples
industry
Use synonyms
 contributes the highest
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
workers
Use synonyms
, recorded
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 over half of male
workers
Use synonyms
 and almost half of
Use synonyms
females
Add an article
the females
show examples
join
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
 the said
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force. The same trend is observed in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, with 65% of male
workers
Use synonyms
 and a majority of female
workers
Use synonyms
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 there.
Moreover
Linking Words
, A shows the least
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
workers
Use synonyms
joing
Correct your spelling
in
Use synonyms
Industry
Correct article usage
the Industry
show examples
 regardless of
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
, with 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of males and 8% of
females
Use synonyms
. The data is slightly different for
B
Use synonyms
, as a third of men
work
Use synonyms
 in
Industry
Use synonyms
, and the number is three
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 larger than the number of women in the same
industry
Use synonyms
, making it the second most popular job segment in
B
Use synonyms
. The
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of people
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
Agriculture
Use synonyms
 differs significantly from
country
Use synonyms
 A to
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, as the
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
workers
Use synonyms
 compose the said workforce marked the second highest for
both
Use synonyms
 genders in A, with 43% of
Use synonyms
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 and a third of
males worker
Fix the agreement mistake
male workers
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 there;
whereas
Linking Words
 in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, almost no people choose to do agricultural job.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers, agriculture, industry, country, b, females, both, work, numbers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • gender employment rate
  • workforce
  • disparity
  • employment trend
  • notable difference
  • counterpart
  • demographic
  • labor market
  • sector
  • predominantly
  • employment rate
  • analysis
  • comparative study
  • statistical data
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