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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #workers #country #b #information #features #comparisons
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The data illustrates the distribution of male and female
workers
 categorised by three different sectors: Services,
Agriculture
 and
Industry
 in
country
 A and
country
B
.
Overall
, most males and
females
 in
both
 countries
work
 in Services. For
country
 A, the second most occupied business sector for
both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 is
Agriculture
,
while
 an insignificant minority of
workers
 from
both
 genders
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 in
Agriculture
 observed in
B
. In
country
 A,
Service
Correct article usage
the Service
show examples
industry
 contributes the highest
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
workers
, recorded
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 over half of male
workers
 and almost half of
females
Add an article
the females
show examples
join
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
 the said
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force. The same trend is observed in
country
B
, with 65% of male
workers
 and a majority of female
workers
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 to
work
 there.
Moreover
, A shows the least
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
workers
joing
Correct your spelling
in
Industry
Correct article usage
the Industry
show examples
 regardless of
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
, with 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of males and 8% of
females
. The data is slightly different for
B
, as a third of men
work
 in
Industry
, and the number is three
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 larger than the number of women in the same
industry
, making it the second most popular job segment in
B
. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of people
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
Agriculture
 differs significantly from
country
 A to
country
B
, as the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
workers
 compose the said workforce marked the second highest for
both
 genders in A, with 43% of
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
show examples
workers
 and a third of
males worker
Fix the agreement mistake
male workers
show examples
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 there;
whereas
 in
country
B
, almost no people choose to do agricultural job.
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers, agriculture, industry, country, b, females, both, work, numbers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • gender employment rate
  • workforce
  • disparity
  • employment trend
  • notable difference
  • counterpart
  • demographic
  • labor market
  • sector
  • predominantly
  • employment rate
  • analysis
  • comparative study
  • statistical data
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