Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should bot be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree pr disagree?
According to
few
Correct article usage
a few
people
, the lives of well-known people
who share their lives should be limited by the
social media. Correct article usage
apply
Although
society can get the
new information and set new aims Correct article usage
apply
through
following Change preposition
by
celebrities'
, ordinary Change noun form
celebrities
people
may grasp the side of celebreties'
characters.
On the one hand, many Correct your spelling
celebrities'
people
thinks
it is Change the verb form
think
great
way to succeed in their whole Add an article
a great
life
if people
always follow famous figures. In other words
, followers can be
set new aims and get Unnecessary verb
apply
the
useful data that they Correct article usage
apply
donot
ever know and they have a chance to evolve the average class of Correct your spelling
do not
life
. For example
, according to
me
humans who live in the USA can watch the Add a comma
me,
contents
of bloggers or famous businessmen, they may have Fix the agreement mistake
content
a
opportunity to obtain new challenges in order for Change the article
an
Correct article usage
a successfull
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
life
.
On the other hand
, other category
of Change the wording
categories
people
disagree with to follow
celebrities since they Change the verb form
following
maynot
get the bright side of their attitudes. On social media, Correct your spelling
may not
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
people
can not have solely useful contents
or ways to teach Fix the agreement mistake
content
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
life
and Correct article usage
the young
young
generation may not have Correct article usage
the young
Correct article usage
the aptitude
aptitude
Correct article usage
the aptitude
in analyzing
Change preposition
to analyze
Change noun form
celebrities'
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrities'
celebrity's
life
before taking their lifestyle. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
As a consequence
, young followers may grasp Correct article usage
an afwul
afwul
lifestyle and avoid the responsibilities. Change the capitalization
Afwul
For example
, at the end
of 19 the century, in developed countries, many movies were taken that depicted famous criminals
Change noun form
criminals'
criminal's
life
, which promoted Fix the agreement mistake
lives
the
Correct article usage
apply
vilonce
and crime which could cause to increase Correct your spelling
violence
the
rate of crime and Change preposition
in the
kill
rate of humans among Verb problem
the death
youngs
.
In conclusion, there are different types of ideas. Correct your spelling
young
Although
this
trend has positive effects on public
, Add an article
the public
this
can impact on
Change preposition
apply
youngs
and even Correct your spelling
young
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
people
therefore
i
think it is equally important in equal Change the capitalization
I
major
.Fix the agreement mistake
majors
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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. This will help reinforce the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly. For example, the essay could benefit from more detailed examples and explanations to substantiate your points.
task achievement
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect readability. Consider revising sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Firstly,' 'In conclusion') to help with the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring the response.
task achievement
You make efforts to present both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your essay.
task achievement
The examples you provide help in elaborating on your points, even though they could be more detailed.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?