IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should bot be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree pr disagree?

#people #lives #celebrities #bot #media #pr
According to
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
people
, the lives of well-known
people
 who share their lives should be limited by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media.
Although
 society can get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new information and set new aims
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 following
celebrities'
Change noun form
celebrities
show examples
, ordinary
people
 may grasp the side of
celebreties'
Correct your spelling
celebrities'
 characters. On the one hand, many
people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 it is
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 way to succeed in their whole
life
 if
people
 always follow famous figures.
In other words
, followers can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
set new aims and get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
useful data that they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 ever know and they have a chance to evolve the average class of
life
.
For example
,
according to
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
 humans who live in the USA can watch the
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 of bloggers or famous businessmen, they may have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 opportunity to obtain new challenges in order for
Correct article usage
a successfull
show examples
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
life
.
On the other hand
, other
category
Change the wording
categories
show examples
 of
people
 disagree with
to follow
Change the verb form
following
show examples
 celebrities since they
maynot
Correct your spelling
may not
 get the bright side of their attitudes. On social media,
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people
 can not have solely useful
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 or ways to teach
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
life
 and
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation may not have
Correct article usage
the aptitude
show examples
aptitude
Correct article usage
the aptitude
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in analyzing
Change preposition
to analyze
show examples
Change noun form
celebrities'
show examples
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrities'
celebrity's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 before taking their lifestyle.
As a consequence
, young followers may grasp
Correct article usage
an afwul
show examples
afwul
Change the capitalization
Afwul
show examples
 lifestyle and avoid the responsibilities.
For example
,
at the end
 of 19 the century, in developed countries, many movies were taken that depicted famous
criminals
Change noun form
criminals'
criminal's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, which promoted
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vilonce
Correct your spelling
violence
 and crime which could cause to increase
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 rate of crime and
kill
Verb problem
the death
show examples
 rate of humans among
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
. In conclusion, there are different types of ideas.
Although
this
 trend has positive effects on
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
,
this
 can impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 and even
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
people
therefore
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think it is equally important in equal
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
show examples
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. This will help reinforce the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly. For example, the essay could benefit from more detailed examples and explanations to substantiate your points.
task achievement
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect readability. Consider revising sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Firstly,' 'In conclusion') to help with the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring the response.
task achievement
You make efforts to present both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your essay.
task achievement
The examples you provide help in elaborating on your points, even though they could be more detailed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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