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Band 4.5

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationships
Many people believe that state-of-the-art
communication
technology
 is having
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on social relationships. Personally, I partly agree with that idea to some extent
while
this
 progressive
technology
also
 offers more advantages to the community. On the one hand, improvements in
communication
technology
 have many disadvantages.
First,
most of the conversations on high-tech apps are not real because those letters were expressed by users less practically.
For instance
, when
funny
Add an article
a funny
the funny
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 person can joke with another by criticism, some people think
that is
 an interesting moment,
however
, they can’t realize others will be sad and stressed , especially overthinking habitants.
Therefore
, they will be easily vulnerable and angry in real life.
On the other hand
, I approve of the benefits of up-to-date
communication
technology
bringing are
Verb problem
being
show examples
 more crucial. To commence, the more modern
technology
 is, the more convenient residents’s lives are.
Due to
 high-tech apps of
communication
, more and more information was discussed quickly.
For example
,
instead
 of meeting directly, habitants not only can send messages but
also
 have a call which can see faces to each other.
As a result
, their life is more comfortable because they don’t need to spend much time communicating the outdoors. Without apps for communicating, people can’t improve quickly and lose much spare time for themselves. In conclusion, though popular technologies for
communication
 have some drawbacks, they bring more benefits to the population.

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task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is great. However, make sure to make your stance clearer. Clearly state whether you agree or disagree overall in the introduction and reinforce this in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using linking phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' 'On the contrary,' and 'Therefore' to connect your ideas smoothly. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning specific communication technologies like social media platforms or messaging apps could make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
While your points are clear, consider expanding on each idea a bit more to provide a comprehensive understanding. For example, discuss how technology impacts different age groups or professional relationships.
introduction conclusion present
Your introductory and concluding paragraphs are clear and concise, encapsulating the main theme of the essay.
logical structure
You have structured your essay into paragraphs effectively, each discussing a distinct point. This helps in maintaining coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • superficial relationships
  • meaningful conversations
  • notifications
  • long-distance relationships
  • online communities
  • social networks
  • social anxiety
  • digital communication
  • real-world interactions
  • over-reliance
  • detrimental effect
  • inhibit
  • deep social connections
  • distract
What to do next:
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