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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the modern communication technologyis having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #communication #technologyis #effect #relationships
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In the cutting-edge society,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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state-of-the-art technological
communication
Use synonyms
 is deemed as an adverse tool affecting relationships
in
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with
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 the public. The writer completely disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it can connect people and keep in touch with them effectively. It is vital to understand that
communication
Use synonyms
 on social platforms is the most efficient way to link residents together. It should be acknowledged that it is effortless and accessible for individuals to access some networking sites to make friends and commence
with
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apply
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a conversation.
Consequently
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, it may lead to strong and dense relationships between inhabitants all over the world.
This
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 is true for Facebook, which is popularly utilized for finding and associating with various citizens.
Therefore
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,
the
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apply
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cutting-edge
communication
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 technology may foster a sense of community
instead
Linking Words
 of
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
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 impact. Another point worth considering is that inhabitants can keep track of each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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 from a long distance. It must be understood that
the
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apply
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video calls and face-to-face meetings meet the demands of keeping in touch with family members, employers and
peer
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
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 efficiently.
As a result
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, people can exchange and share numerous stories and information about both life and work to alleviate pressure. Taking Zalo,
this
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 app provides a diversity of routes communicated that support dwellers contact and follow their loved ones.
Hence
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, it is advantageous that up-to-date technological
communication
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assist
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assists
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to contact
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in contacting
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to
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apply
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different residents. In conclusion, easy connection and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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 in touch with various citizens result from an
innovated
Replace the word
innovative
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communication
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 technology.
Additionally
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, these advanced technologies should be accessible to individuals living in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 to cope with long-distance
communication
Use synonyms
 issues
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear thesis and a well-structured argument. However, try to elaborate more on the main points to enhance clarity. Additionally, ensure that real-life examples are clearly tied to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas generally flow logically, some sentences are overly complex or could be simplified for better readability. Also, ensure that paragraphs are well-developed and focused on a single idea.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You successfully used specific examples like Facebook and Zalo to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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