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Band 4

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer games. To what extend do you agree or disagree

#countries #crime #images #television #computer #games
In the contemporary era, it is said that the content with violent
scenes
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 dominated crowds to commit more and more crimes as the years pass through. As inappropriate TV shows are illustrated throughout flatforms entire world, it induces
people
 to do more illegal
actions
.
This
 essay will explain my opinion as I completely agree with the statement
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some specific reasons.
To begin
 with,
while
 producers and scrip writers work on their stories, they mainly focus on attracting
people
 to their content so that they can gain popularity and budget.
Hence
, they use violent
actions
 during their movies so that influencers
would
Verb problem
can
show examples
 watch, judge, and explain the movie to crowds about how the movie was through online platforms and face-to-face communication.
For example
,
“Wrong
Correct article usage
the “Wrong
show examples
 Turn” horror movie which has plenty of violent
scenes
 was not popular because of its low quality until influencers reviewed it and dominated
people
 to watch it and share their opinions with them.
On the other hand
, most violent movies include some
scenes
 with illegal
actions
, namely gangsterism to interact
teenagers
Change preposition
with teenagers
show examples
 with
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
inappropriate and feel-cool
scenes
 that affect the development of
teenagers
 and commit
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
look
Wrong verb form
looking
show examples
 cool.
For instance
, the rate of bully among
teenagers
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Mongolia has increased among
teenagers
 because of plenty of bullying movies and content showing up through platforms.
To sum up
, to gain more popularity and budget, it is undeniably true that their selfish methods always induce
people
 to
wrong
Add a missing verb
do wrong
show examples
actions
.
Submitted by nazim200709 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence of your essay. Focus on using transition words and phrases to create smoother transitions.
task achievement
Some of your examples could be more specific and relevant. Make sure that the examples you choose are clearly linked to your main points and develop them fully.
general
There are a few minor grammatical errors that slightly impede clarity. Proofread your essay or use grammar checking tools to catch and correct these.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage well for the essay. It provides a good overview of what the essay will cover.
task achievement
You make a clear, complete response to the prompt and your position on the issue is unmistakable.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, which helps to clarify your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • correlation
  • aggressive behavior
  • desensitization
  • copycat effect
  • media literacy
  • violent imagery
  • scapegoat
  • media consumption
  • psychological impact
  • content rating
  • parental supervision
  • media influence
  • computer games
  • behavioral studies
  • socio-economic factors
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