IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #communication #technology #effects #relationships
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the information age, some citizens believe that using hi-tech to contact others will make relationships in real life terrible. Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
 view. On the positive side, mechanization shows its ability to effectively connect many people together without being affected by distance.
Additionally
, thanks to websites and social media, any business can easily reach out to the public which was never possible before. If a consumer or member of the media has a question, they can reach out directly.
For example
, if you want to ask the CEO a question, you can simply send a DM (direct message) on Instagram or Twitter and get an immediate response.
On the other hand
, I believe that computerization or social media not only
exist
Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
show examples
 not to the detriment of social relationships but
also
 rather to their benefit. Not only solve the problem of distance as I demonstrated above, but
also
 these tools help us to increase our social circles. computerization can help people with similar passions meet in forums like food forums, and forums of Japanese culture. In conclusion, the above arguments are enough to convince those who believe that the development of industrialization is hindering our relationships and I believe that in the future people may
also
 see the same similarities as me.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While the essay maintains a logical structure, there is a need for smoother transitions between ideas. Consider using linking phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'Furthermore' to improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and reinforces your stance. In this essay, the conclusion could be strengthened slightly to provide a stronger ending.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and further elaborate on the points you're making to emphasize their relevance. For instance, you could include statistics or real-world studies demonstrating the positive effects of modern communication technology on relationships.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity. Ensure the usage of terms like 'mechanization' and 'computerization' is appropriate to the context.
task achievement
You've effectively addressed the topic by providing a clear stance and supporting it with structured arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which neatly frame your ideas and ensure a comprehensive response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • messaging apps
  • social media
  • non-verbal cues
  • family bonds
  • dependency
  • digital communication
  • superficial relationships
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • social isolation
  • virtual connections
  • emotional satisfaction
  • real-life interactions
  • technological intrusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: