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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the stages in processing cocoa beans. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the stages in processing cocoa beans. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates the three steps of precessing from
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
 to
cocoa
Use synonyms
 products which
made
Add a missing verb
are made
show examples
 for customers and businesses.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the process needs two types of working methods which are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human activity and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
machinary
Correct your spelling
machinery
 activity.
Firstly
Linking Words
, employees pick the natural
beans
Use synonyms
 from
cocoa
Use synonyms
 trees into the shells and
drying
Replace the word
dry
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
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activities structure
the
Correct article usage
apply
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stage 1. In stage 2 where the cocoas'
using
Replace the word
use
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 can
defferent
Correct your spelling
differ
according to
Linking Words
 the process of pressing. If the
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are pressed more than others become
cocoa
Use synonyms
 cake which can different
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
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 with how much they
grinding
Wrong verb form
are ground
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.
This
Linking Words
 process produces the
cocoa
Use synonyms
 powders going to
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
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 and the
cocoa
Use synonyms
 liquors going to industry.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
 are refined
further
Linking Words
 and mixed with sugar, they become industrial chocolates. These are touched in
final
Add an article
the final
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 processing and finished
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 chocolate products
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 we can see in supermarkets.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cocoa, beans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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