IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In recent years, “responsible tourists” have paid attention to preserving both culture and environment of the places they visit. However, some people say that it is impossible to be a “responsible tourist”. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#years #“responsible #tourists” #attention #culture #environment #places #visit #people #tourist”
some
people
 assert that tourists who travel in the world not only enjoy their travel but
also
 their
culture
 and environment
while
 opponents believe that it is a hard task.
However
, there is a persuasive agreement that being 'responsible tourists' plays a significant role in enormous parts of the world. As society develops more and more, a massive amount of
people
 go abroad whenever they want. Despite the
people
's quality of life
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increasing, problems about cultural preservation and environmental conservation have ceaselessly come out in modern society.
For example
, when we go to tourist attractions, we can easily see
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sign
Fix the agreement mistake
signs
show examples
 saying 'Don't touch', 'Don't take pictures with flash' and so on.
Thus
, to conserve the
culture
, we have to learn about the manners when we travel.
On the other hand
, we can easily become a 'responsible tourist' by making little effort.
For example
, a number of
people
 are making campaigns about environmental protection. To be specific, sowing flower seeds for bees when you riding a bike and picking up litter when you tour are becoming the least trend. In conclusion, even though some
people
 disagree that paying attention to nature and
culture
 is too hard during travelling,
however
, I believe that it is not too late to protect the environment and
culture
.
Submitted by kopopig on

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task achievement
The essay attempts to respond to the task adequately but lacks depth. The discussion of both views is present but needs more development and elaboration. Try to provide more specific examples and clearer arguments to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses more clearly on a single main idea. The essay sometimes veers off topic or does not fully develop the points it raises. Adding more transitional phrases could help improve this.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear, and the conclusion appropriately summarizes the essay. However, improving the logical flow between paragraphs would enhance the overall structure. Work on developing each paragraph more fully before moving on to the next idea.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the discussion well by presenting both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively wraps up the essay, reaffirming the writer's stance.
task achievement
There are some examples provided to support the points made, showing awareness of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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